๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ญ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐จ๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข๐๐ข๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง, ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง, ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ก๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐, ๐จ๐๐ญ๐๐ง ๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐๐๐ซ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ค ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ก๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ฅ.
They say the brain has a funny way of preserving the things that are about to destroy you. It's like a museum of bad decisions with neon aesthetics.
For me, that museum starts in Blackwater Cove. June. The night before the world ended. The night before my world turned into a series of city subways, sleepless nights, and empty pill bottles.
The bonfire was the only light on the shore for miles. A vibrant orange glow that radiated in the late hours of the evening. Somewhere behind the smoke, my cousin Zoe's band was playing something loud and distortedโthe kind of music that feels like it's trying to shake the soul out of your body. Everyone was ecstatic that senior year was over. We were finally moving on to adulthood; some of us were even lucky enough to escape theย 'clutch of the Cove'โwhich was code for being trapped in this shitty small town forever. Everyone was convinced that these next few days would mean something as we began to pack up and leave our nests for bigger and better things...
I knew better.
Tomorrow was just the day that I would become a ghost to this town.
"You're doing that thing again," a voice said.
I didn't have to look to know who it was.
Sylas.
He was leaning against the rusted railing of the old lifeguard tower, the moon casting a silver light across his face.ย
"What thing?" I asked, taking a slow drag of the joint I had lit a few moments ago when I separated from the rest of the party.ย
"Thinking. You look like you're already halfway to LA." He stepped closer, and the air between us suddenly felt tight in my lungs. "You've got this look in your eyes like you're counting down the seconds until you don't have to look at any of this anymore... Until you don't have to look at me."ย
He wasn't entirely wrong. Iย wasย counting. But not because I wanted to leave. I was counting because if I stayed one second longer, I was going to break the rule I'd spent years trying to perfect:ย never need anyone more than they need you.
"I'm just tired, Sy. The last few days with graduation and celebrations and all that shit just gets exhausting. And my parents have been up my ass about making sure I have everything I need. It's like they don't even want me to come back at this point." It wasn't a complete lie, but it was still a pathetic excuse.
"You're a shit liar, Ro." He didn't say it to be an asshole, he just stated it like a fact.
He reached out and let his hand hover near my forearm for a moment. I could feel the ghost of a moment from a month ago flare up between us, but I tried to shove the memory out.ย
I saw his dark gray eyes flicker down to my hands, and I knew he was thinking about that moment too. He looked like he wanted to scream at me for it, for telling him I wouldn't vanish...ย
Instead, he did what we always did. He pulled back just enough to keep us both safe.
He reached into the pocket of his black hoodie, fumbling around for a moment. He seemed more nervous than usual now.ย
"I got you something," he said, his voice was quieter now and almost drowned out by the sound of the waves crashing along the shore. "Since you've been hell-bent on falling down that rabbit hole."
He pulled out a scrap of leather from his pocket and a flash of silver caught the moonlight.
"Alice," he whispered, a small, sad smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. A rare sight that he only let those closest to him see.ย
He took my wrist. His skin was always warmer than mine, and his touch sent a jolt of anxiety through me. He tied the leather cord, his fingers trembling slightly. He kept his head bowed, and I could see the way his dark hair fell over his face, hiding the expression I knew that he was struggling to mask.
A silver rabbit. Small. Cold. Ticking against my pulse.
"So you don't forget the way back fromย Wonderland," he said. He didn't let go of my wrist; instead, his thumb gently brushed along the blue veins. "Unless that's the plan. To just stay lost."
I looked at him and could feel the walls of my avoidant reflexes begin to crumble. The 'White Rabbit' wasn't just a gift, but a way to keep us connected. He was giving me a reminder of a way to find my way back homeโto find my way back to him.ย
I didn't say anything. I couldn't.ย
So instead, I decided to fuck everything up.
I reached out and cupped my hands on both sides of his face, pulling him toward me. I pressed my lips against his, tasting cheap beer and weed. The kiss was not like any typical teen-romance film, but more like a desperate plea. It was a plea of me needing to take a piece of him with me to LA. It was also the highest I had ever felt without a substance to help get me thereโa pure, euphoric rush that made my heart feel like it was going to burst out of my chest.
I could feel his body stiffen at first, as though he were in shock. But then I could feel him slowly ease the tension and felt his hands rise up to hold me at my sides. There was a subtle tremble in his hands as he held me.ย
It was like he knew he couldn't hold on to me forever...
For three seconds that felt more like an eternity, theย "White Rabbit"ย wasn't just a warning, it was a promise.
Then, the panic struck me.
The vulnerability of the kiss, the need that it implied...ย
My brain screamed at me to move. To erase it. To disappear before he could say a single thing or look at me with those eyes that expected something I wasn't ready to give.
I broke the kiss so fast that I could hear his breath hitch in surprise. Before he could process my next move, I pushed off the railing of the lifeguard tower.ย
"Aurora?" He called out, his voice sounded small now against the crashing waves.
But I didn't look back. I didn't stop. I just ran.
I ran past the bonfire, past Zoe's band, past my old friends. I ran until my lungs burned with a sharp sting.ย
By the next morning, I was in the backseat of my parents' Volvo, watching Blackwater Cove shrink in the rearview mirror as we headed for the airport. I traced the silver rabbit with my thumb until the metal left a small dent in my skin.
I thought I was escaping the hole.
I didn't realize I was already at the bottom.