In the mansion's quiet back garden, what should have been a peaceful morning filled with birdsong and the scent of flowers was instead steeped in an eerie atmosphere so bad it could make passing birds drop out of the sky.
"No! Kōichi, your eyes still aren't right. You need a hint of madness beneath the melancholy!"
Kazuma Satou instructed him with a perfectly serious face. At the moment, he was leaning sideways against a crooked tree, his right hand covering half his face, his left hand shoved unnaturally into his pocket, while his lower body twisted into an angle that looked like it was testing the limits of human ligaments.
"Listen up. Princess Iris is a noble young lady who's lived a sheltered life. She's used to seeing timid, obedient nobles. What we need to show is a rebellious aura, the sense that even if we stand in the dust, our souls are far beyond anyone's reach! Watch carefully. This is the reincarnator-style cold turn I've spent years perfecting!"
With that, Kazuma snapped his head around, trying to create the cool effect of his hair whipping through the air. Unfortunately, he put too much force into it, and his neck let out a crisp crack. His entire face instantly twisted from the pain into an indescribable grimace. Combined with the bizarre pose he still had not pulled back from, he looked like a severely impaired pervert trying to molest a tree.
Kōichi sighed. It was mortifying, but if he wanted to leave a good impression on the princess, he had no choice but to grit his teeth and play along.
Imitating Kazuma, he braced one hand against the wall and tried to give a wickedly charming smile.
"Like this? Heh. Woman, you have caught my attention. That kind of feeling?"
"Yes, yes, yes! That's it! Raise the corner of your mouth a little more! Make your eyes emptier... no, deeper!"
Kazuma gestured excitedly while enduring the sharp pain in his neck.
"Good! Next, we practice casual tenderness! Imagine Her Highness the Princess accidentally trips. We don't rush over to help her. Instead, we look at her like this, then elegantly extend one hand..."
Just as these two idiots were practicing all sorts of difficult and extremely sleazy movements at empty air, Luna, the Adventurers Guild's poster girl, happened to pass by the outside of the mansion carrying a basket of administrative documents.
She had originally come to confirm the procedures for the audience ceremony, but when she looked up, she saw the scene through the fence.
Two grown men in broad daylight. One was hugging a tree with a pained, ferocious smile, while the other kept raising his eyebrows and wiping at his mouth toward empty air, his hand grasping at something invisible as he muttered words like "princess," "hand," and "hehehe."
Luna's face instantly turned bluer than Aqua's hair.
With trembling hands, she pulled a special emergency communication Magic Item from her chest, her voice shaking with terror as if she were about to cry.
"H-hello... is this the Security Squad? Yes, it's that mansion again... Kazuma-san and Kōichi-san's condition has gotten worse... No, they aren't just ordinary perverts anymore. They're rehearsing some kind of extremely blasphemous crime against empty air! Please send more people. You have to lock up these two dangerous individuals before Her Highness the Princess arrives!!"
"W-wait! Luna-san! This is a misunderstanding! We're practicing etiquette!"
Kazuma heard the whistle and hurriedly tried to explain, but because he moved too fast, his already sprained neck screamed again. He collapsed straight to the ground in an extremely sleazy pose and happened to grab Kōichi's ankle.
From Luna's point of view, it looked exactly like a perverted internal dispute caused by an uneven split of the loot.
Just as the Security Squad was cuffing the two of them, a luxurious carriage stopped at the entrance. Princess Iris curiously lifted the curtain.
"Excuse me... is this the home of the heroes I've heard so much about?"
In that instant, the air froze completely.
It was a luxurious carriage, entirely black and decorated with exquisite gold trim and the royal crest of Belzerg.
As a small, fair, delicate hand gently lifted the curtain, a youthful yet noble face, as if it had stepped straight out of a mythological painting, appeared before everyone.
Her golden hair shone softly in the sunlight, and her large sapphire-clear eyes stared unblinkingly at the chaotic scene before her.
The scene looked like this.
The Security Squad was roughly pinning Kōichi and Kazuma Satou to the ground, both their hands locked in specially made anti-magic handcuffs.
Kazuma's sprained neck had left his face pressed into the dirt with an extremely twisted and lecherous expression. As for Kōichi, the wicked smile he had made while trying to explain earlier still had not faded, making him look like an accomplice proudly basking in his own perverted deeds.
"Excuse me... is this the home of the heroes of Axel who are said to have defeated several Demon King's Generals?"
Princess Iris's voice was crisp and pleasant, tinged with a trace of uncertain confusion, along with a pure and beautiful longing for the word "hero."
A deathly silence fell over everyone.
Guard A looked at the handcuffs in his hands, then at the princess in the carriage. His once-imposing movements instantly stiffened.
Luna stood to the side with her mouth hanging open, her documents scattered all over the ground. In her mind, she could already picture the tragic ending of the Axel Adventurers Guild being shut down for introducing perverts to the royal family.
"...Gah."
Kazuma squeezed a meaningless syllable out of his throat.
Inside, he was screaming at the top of his lungs.
No! It's not like that! Iris! This isn't what you were supposed to see! I was practicing the etiquette for welcoming you! That sleazy pose was actually some kind of ancient salute! Please believe me!!
Kōichi, meanwhile, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
At that moment, he felt an unprecedented calm in the face of total social death.
"Ah, um... Your Highness."
Guard A, drenched in sweat, released the hand pressing Kazuma down and forced out an awkward explanation.
"These two are... we were conducting... uh, a practical drill against perverted infiltrators! That's right! To ensure Your Highness's safety, these two heroes personally took on the roles of perverted thieves to test our response speed! As expected of heroes, their acting was so realistic that even we were fooled, haha... ha..."
"A drill?"
Princess Iris tilted her head and showed an innocent smile, the admiration in her eyes growing even stronger.
"So that's what it was! For my safety, you were even willing to ruin your own image and play such... disgusting roles? You two heroes are truly amazing!"
The word "disgusting" struck Kazuma's heart like an arrow, but he still forced his sprained neck up and gave a smile uglier than crying.
"Y-yes... For Your Highness, a little dignity... means nothing at all..."
Kōichi could only nod stiffly along.
"...Yes, Your Highness. We have been rehearsing for a long time to welcome you."
Just then, Darkness finally rushed out of the mansion. When she saw the two handcuffed men and the princess in the carriage, she froze at first. Then, the instant she understood the situation, her cheeks turned bright red at a visible speed, and her breathing grew ragged.
"Being arrested in the act in front of Her Highness the Princess... This, this is the highest level of humiliation...! Why?! Why didn't you include me in something this wonderful?! I want to join the drill too! Please, put handcuffs on me as well!!"
Princess Iris looked at Darkness, who had suddenly rushed out and shouted something strange, and the smile on her face stiffened slightly.