The Royal Capital, the private dining room reserved for the VIP guest rooms in the palace's east wing.
Sunlight poured through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, spilling across the ten-meter-long mahogany dining table and lighting up the mountain of exquisite dishes piled on top of it.
The freshly airlifted Ice Snow Emperor Crab gave off an enticing chill. The sizzling Red Lotus Volcanic Dragon steak dripped golden fat, and several bottles of Elven secret brew sat nearby, their vintage older than Axel's entire history.
Kōichi wore his polar snow fox coat and pure-gold, diamond-studded sunglasses, holding a wine glass as he sank into a velvet armchair in an unbearably punchable slouch.
Across from him, Kazuma wore a half-open silk robe, with that ridiculous diamond-studded crown still perched on his head, and was picking his teeth with a small sterling silver knife.
"Sigh. The palace chefs are only so-so. This dragon steak was overcooked by point one seconds, and the texture is completely ruined."
Kōichi swirled his wine glass and let out an extremely pretentious sigh.
"Exactly. And this emperor crab meat isn't sweet enough. It's practically impossible to swallow."
Kazuma casually tossed a priceless piece of crab meat into the trash beside him and belched.
"Judging by the time, the royal maid massage squad I called should be here soon. Today I'm having them give me a full-body massage with Elven essential oils, and while they're at it, I'll have them imitate Succubus voices for me."
A wicked smile curled at the corner of Kōichi's mouth.
"Oh? Then have them massage my shoulders too."
Just as the two were praising each other and displaying every bit of their vile nouveau riche ugliness, a knock suddenly came from outside the door.
It was not loud, but it sounded rather urgent.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a look. At the same time, both of them revealed filthy smiles that said they understood exactly what was going on.
They immediately sat upright. Kōichi pushed up his gold sunglasses and put on the cold expression of a domineering CEO.
Kazuma deliberately pulled his silk robe a little lower, exposing his bony chest with absolutely no muscle definition.
"Ahem. The door's unlocked."
Kōichi spoke in an extremely deep voice he believed was magnetic.
"Come in, lost little lambs. Are you ready to serve the great heroes who saved the kingdom?"
"Don't be shy, maid ladies. I'll guide you very gently~"
Kazuma followed with an extremely greasy laugh.
"BANG!"
The heavy carved wooden doors were not gently pushed open as they had imagined. Instead, they were kicked off their hinges by an incredibly violent force.
The two thick door panels flipped twice through the air, then slammed heavily onto the luxurious carpet with a deafening crash.
In the corridor outside stood three familiar figures who nearly scared Kōichi and Kazuma out of their souls.
"Found you! You two selfish scumbags!"
Aqua's eyes locked firmly onto the Red Lotus Volcanic Dragon steak and Elven secret brew on the dining table, and drool instantly poured from her mouth like a waterfall.
Without pausing for even a second, she threw herself onto the dining table like a maddened wild boar. Both hands moved at once as she grabbed dragon steak and stuffed it into her mouth, sobbing loudly as she chewed.
"Waaah! It's so good! You two were eating something this delicious behind my back! I've been eating cabbage and frog meat every day in Axel! Unforgivable! Everything on this table belongs to the Goddess!"
"A-Aqua?!"
Kazuma was so startled he slid off his chair, and even his crown fell to the floor.
Before they could react, a staff topped with a huge ruby was already pressed against the tip of Kōichi's nose.
"I heard there's an ignorant upstart here who bathes in Top-Grade MP Recovery Potion every day?"
Megumin's bangs fluttered without wind as magical power surged around her. Her red eye shone with a crazed crimson light that seemed capable of destroying everything, and she glared at Kōichi through gritted teeth.
"Take me to that bathtub. I'm going to unleash the most perfect Explosion Magic inside it and send you heretics who desecrate magic, along with this entire building, straight into the sky!"
"C-Calm down, Megumin! That's a rumor! Someone's slandering me!"
Cold sweat poured from Kōichi's face. He raised both hands over his head, not even daring to pick up the gold sunglasses that had fallen to the floor.
Just then, a set of extremely heavy footsteps came from outside the door, accompanied by strange, breathy panting.
Darkness's face was flushed, her eyes were unfocused, and her breathing was so rapid she sounded like a broken bellows.
She held her cheeks tightly with both hands and wriggled into the dining room. Then, with a thud, she knelt before Kōichi and Kazuma in a perfect dogeza posture.
"Haa... haa... I'm here! I'm finally here!"
Darkness raised her head and looked at the two completely dumbfounded men with an intensely eager gaze, even tinged with madness.
"Please don't worry about my status! Treat me like those maids you forced to serve you! No, treat me ten times, a hundred times worse than them! Humiliate me with those vulgar eyes of yours, force me to make Succubus voices, then throw your leftover bones at my face! I beg you! Please trample this shameless female Knight as much as you like!"
Faced with this battlefield, one intense enough to destroy the entire royal guest room area, Kōichi and Kazuma froze for a brief moment before their gazes collided fiercely in midair.
It was a soul-level exchange beyond words, shared between two top-tier freeloaders and bottomless social scum.
Kōichi: Kazuma, these three idiots may have absurd combat power, but their brains are no good.
Kazuma: Got it. We hit them with the privileges Little Sister Iris gave us! Turn all of them into our accomplices!
At this moment of life and death, the two pushed their mental fortitude to the limit.
Kōichi took a deep breath and forced his racing heart under control. He extended two fingers and elegantly pinched the ruby staff pressed against his nose, slowly pushing it aside.
"Calm down, Megumin. With that wise Crimson Demon Clan brain of yours, have you never considered the deeper meaning behind this?"
Kōichi pushed up the gold sunglasses he had picked back up, and a mysterious cold smile appeared on his lips.
"You think I'm wasting potions? Completely wrong! I'm using my own body to test the magical conductivity of the Royal Capital's top-grade potions! More importantly..."
Kōichi lowered his voice and leaned close to Megumin's ear like a kidnapper.
"As the guest Princess Iris values most, I have absolute passage rights to the royal family's private territory. There's an abandoned Demon King's Army frontline fortress there, and its walls are made entirely of magic-absorbing obsidian. If you're willing to lower your staff, I'll take you there tomorrow and let you unleash an epic Explosion Magic, one no one will disturb you during. How does that sound?"
Megumin's red eye, which had been full of killing intent a moment ago, widened instantly. Her ahoge shot straight up.
She swallowed, and her staff slowly lowered.
"An e-epic... Explosion Magic that absolutely no one will interrupt? R-Really? You're not lying to me?"
"I swear on my honor as a tactician."
Kōichi solemnly patted his chest.
One down!
Seeing this, Kazuma immediately turned toward Aqua, who was still sweeping through the dining table like a disaster.
He grabbed the most expensive and oldest bottle of Elven secret brew on the table and waved it in front of Aqua.
"Hey, useless Goddess, stop gnawing on that bone like some starving ghost who hasn't eaten in centuries!"
Kazuma pulled out the cork, and the rich aroma of alcohol instantly filled the air. He spoke in an extremely arrogant tone.
"Want this? Then sit down obediently, call me Kazuma-sama, and promise you won't cause trouble in the palace. As the princess's close friend, I'll have the royal kitchen send ten whole roasted dragons over right away, plus unlimited royal-exclusive premium sparkling wine brewed with morning dew from the World Tree!"
Aqua's movements froze. Half a piece of dragon meat was still hanging from her mouth.
She looked at the meat in her hand, then at the wine in Kazuma's hand. Her tears instantly vanished, and an extremely fawning smile bloomed across her face.
"Kazuma-sama! You are my only faith! From this day onward, the Axis Order's teachings will be changed to praise Kazuma! Please make sure to give me ten bottles of that World Tree sparkling wine!"
Aqua sold her soul without the slightest hesitation, obediently sat down in her chair, and even picked up a napkin.
Two down!
Finally, both their gazes landed on Darkness, who was still kneeling on the floor in dogeza, flushed and panting madly.
Dealing with this pervert did not require spending a single coin. All they had to do was abandon their morals.