The group made their way down the long corridor. Under Claire's murderous glare, Kōichi and Kazuma halfheartedly used water magic to splash Aqua and Megumin's faces, finally managing to wake the drunkard and the sleepyhead.
The tea room in the central courtyard stood at the heart of a greenhouse filled with exotic flowers and plants in full bloom.
Sunlight streamed through the glass dome, making the exquisite white porcelain tea set gleam.
The young Princess Iris sat upright at the table. The moment she saw everyone arrive, her large sapphire-blue eyes lit up, and an adorably innocent smile spread across her face.
"Everyone! You're finally here! Please, have a seat!"
Iris welcomed them cheerfully.
"Have you all been enjoying your stay at the palace? Is there anything we could have done better?"
At that question, Kōichi, Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin almost instinctively plastered extremely ingratiating smiles across their faces.
"Enjoying it? We've been absolutely thrilled!"
Aqua was the first to lunge toward the table. She grabbed an exquisite pastry, stuffed it into her mouth, and shouted through the mouthful.
"The wine here is fit for the gods! As long as I can drink that sparkling wine every day, this Goddess will gladly bless this place for the rest of her life!"
"That abandoned Obsidian Fortress is a true work of art!"
Megumin excitedly waved her staff.
"I can cast Explosion Magic every day without holding back, and I even get chauffeured there and back. This place is truly the Promised Land of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
"Your Highness Iris, your generosity shines brighter than the sun itself."
Kōichi elegantly adjusted his solid-gold sunglasses and shamelessly laid on the flattery without so much as blinking.
"The mattresses here are so soft that every night, I dream of grand plans to save the world."
"Exactly! Receiving a massage from the royal maids every day has thoroughly purified both my body and soul!"
Kazuma nodded furiously in agreement. Beneath the table, the two exchanged a perfectly synchronized high five.
Perfect!
As long as they kept this up, they could freeload here for another three to five years without a problem!
But just as their glorious plan to live off the royal family seemed about to become a reality, a horribly discordant voice interrupted them.
"No, Your Highness! We cannot allow ourselves to sink any further into depravity!"
Darkness suddenly stepped forward.
Although she was dressed in a filthy maid uniform and still had dust on her face, her eyes were unusually resolute. Her entire body radiated the dignified righteousness of a Crusader.
The smiles on Kōichi and Kazuma's faces instantly froze.
Hey! What the hell are you doing, you pervert?!
The same despairing scream rang out in both their minds. Kōichi even frantically tried to stomp on Darkness's shoe beneath the table, hoping to stop her from going off the rails.
But Darkness completely ignored the pain in her foot. Clutching both hands to her chest, she declared with righteous conviction, and increasingly rapid breathing:
"Your Highness! We are adventurers from Axel! As adventurers, our true place is in muddy swamps and dark, damp Dungeons! We should be fighting savage monsters, having our armor brutally torn apart, being tightly bound by slimy tentacles, and crying out in humiliation and despair... Haa... We should not be indulging in comfort here and allowing our bodies to grow sluggish!"
By the end of her speech, Darkness's eyes had gone glassy and her cheeks were flushed bright red. She was completely lost in her appalling masochistic fantasies.
The innocent Princess Iris, however, clearly failed to grasp the indecent implications hidden in her words.
The princess stared blankly for a moment. Then, a dazzling look of admiration filled her sapphire-blue eyes.
She clasped her hands in front of her chest, her eyes glistening with emotion.
"I see... Even while enjoying royal hospitality, you never once forgot your duty as adventurers?"
Iris gazed at them with deep emotion.
"Sister Lalatina is right. True heroes will never be corrupted by a life of comfort! Your noble spirits, your longing for battle, and your willingness to place yourselves in danger to protect ordinary people are truly worthy of admiration!"
Claire and Rain, who stood behind Iris, also looked surprised.
Claire even gave Darkness an approving glance, thinking that there was finally one sane person among this band of scum.
"Then I understand!"
Iris rose to her feet and announced with utmost seriousness:
"Although I'll miss you all dearly, I cannot selfishly keep heroes confined to the palace! I agree to let you return to Axel and continue your great adventure!"
BOOM—!!!
Kōichi and Kazuma felt as though a bolt of lightning had struck them from a clear blue sky, hitting them squarely on the crown of their heads.
Their enormous velvet-covered beds!
Those premium dragon steaks, sizzling fresh from the grill!
Those sweet and gentle royal maids!
In that instant, it all vanished like a fleeting dream!
The pastry slipped from Aqua's hand and fell to the floor. Even Megumin's signature tuft of hair drooped limply.
"Big Brother Kōichi, Big Brother Kazuma, why are you crying?"
Iris looked at the two streams of tears running down their faces and asked worriedly.
"I-It's nothing..."
Kōichi clenched his teeth. To preserve his image as a great hero in front of the princess, he forced out a smile that looked even more miserable than crying and spoke in a trembling voice.
"We're just... so moved. Your Highness understands us so well... As adventurers, we... we can hardly wait to return and sleep in the mud alongside the Goblins..."
"Yeah..."
Kazuma wore a false smile filled with noble determination.
"Just thinking about all those adorable monsters in Axel waiting for us to defeat them... My heart has already flown back there... Haha... Hahaha..."
At the same time, both of them screamed a blood-soaked curse in their hearts:
Lalatina! You damned pervert! Once we get back to Axel, we're going to hang you outside the Adventurers Guild and have everyone pelt you with rotten tomatoes for three days and three nights!!!
As Kōichi and Kazuma subjected Darkness to each of the Ten Great Tortures in their imaginations, all while desperately wondering where they could find odd jobs to pay for food once they returned to Axel, a burst of hurried footsteps shattered the mournful atmosphere in the tea room.
A fully armed Royal Guard Knight rushed inside, drenched in sweat, and dropped to one knee.
"Your Highness! Claire-sama! We have an emergency!"
The Knight reported between ragged breaths.
"That Robin Hood-like thief who has been striking throughout the Royal Capital appeared again last night! This time, several high-ranking nobles had their mansions targeted and their vaults completely emptied. Even Alderp-sama's residence was..."
"What?! That insolent thief has struck again?!"
Claire slammed a hand against the table and shot to her feet, her face livid.
"Are the Royal Capital Guard completely useless? How could they allow a petty thief to come and go throughout the Royal Capital as if no one could stop them?!"
***
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