"A Robin Hood-like thief?"
The moment they heard those words, Kōichi and Kazuma, who had already been reduced to walking corpses, suddenly had a light brighter than a supernova blazing in their eyes.
The tears at the corners of their eyes vanished at once, and their hunched backs snapped straight.
Like drowning men grasping their last lifeline, or sharks catching the scent of blood, they sprang out of their chairs at almost the exact same moment.
"Wait!"
Kōichi shouted, suavely adjusting the solid-gold sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. An aura of heroic compassion, entirely feigned, instantly radiated from him.
"Lady Claire, are you saying the Royal Capital is currently facing such a grave threat lurking in the shadows?!"
"How despicable!"
Kazuma clenched his fists, his face filled with righteous outrage.
"How dare some lawless criminal disrupt the peace under Her Highness Iris's benevolent rule! This is nothing less than an insult to the dignity of the royal family!"
"Huh?"
Claire froze for a moment, eyeing the two scumbags who had abruptly changed their tune.
"What are you two plotting now?"
"Your Highness!"
Kōichi completely ignored Claire. He slid across the floor on one knee until he was directly in front of Princess Iris, pressed both hands to his chest, and spoke in a deeply heartfelt and sorrowful voice.
"Please forgive our selfishness just now! We thought the Royal Capital was completely peaceful, so we were ready to return to the mud and wrestle with Goblins without a care in the world. But now that we know such a dangerous Robin Hood-like thief is hiding within the Royal Capital, how could we, as adventurers who deeply love Your Highness... No, who deeply love this country, possibly walk away at a time like this?!"
"Exactly!"
Kazuma immediately followed his lead, thumping his chest with righteous conviction.
"The Goblins in the mud can wait, but Your Highness's safety cannot! Leave this arrogant Robin Hood-like thief to our battle-hardened elite Party! Until we catch him, we swear we will not take a single step outside the palace!"
Aqua and Megumin might not have been especially bright, but the moment they heard that they would not have to leave the palace, they immediately understood.
"That's right! This Goddess will use sacred Purification Magic to cleanse that petty thief's soul! Until then, I'll need ten bottles of premium sparkling wine every day to maintain my magical power!"
Aqua threw both hands into the air and shouted.
"A mere Thief is no match for me! My Explosion Magic will blast him and the sewer he is hiding in straight into the sky! To ensure I have enough magical power, the daily shuttle service to the Obsidian Fortress absolutely must continue!"
Megumin waved her staff in agreement.
At this deeply moving moment of resolve, the nerve in Darkness's head labeled "justice" went haywire once again.
"Wait! What are you all talking about? Capturing Thieves is the Guard's responsibility. As Adventurers, we should return to the front lines and face those monsters covered in tentacles..."
"Mmmph!"
Before Darkness could finish, Kōichi lunged forward and locked an arm tightly around her neck from behind. Kazuma, moving with remarkable familiarity, grabbed an entire slice of cloyingly sweet cream cake from the table and shoved it squarely into Darkness's mouth, smothering the rest of her righteous speech.
"Haha! What Lalatina means is that she's so excited she can barely speak!"
Kōichi kept one hand clamped firmly over Darkness's mouth while flashing Iris a brilliant smile.
"Mmmph... Haa..."
Darkness's face turned bright red, and her body went limp in Kōichi's arms as she let out a suspicious muffled moan.
The innocent Princess Iris watched the scene before her, her sapphire-blue eyes once again filling with emotional tears.
"Big Brother Kōichi... Big Brother Kazuma..."
Iris was so moved that her voice trembled.
"You wanted so badly to return to the mud and fight, yet for the safety of the Royal Capital, and for my sake, you forced yourselves to suppress your instincts as Adventurers... You really are so kind and so noble!"
"Your Highness gives us too much credit. This is simply our duty. Please make sure tonight's dragon steak has plenty of black pepper."
Kōichi spoke with impeccable righteousness.
"You shameless scumbags! You're obviously just using this as an excuse to keep freeloading here!!!"
Claire finally lost her temper. She drew her longsword and roared in fury, only for Rain to grab her and hold her back.
While Kōichi and Kazuma secretly celebrated the successful extension of their freeloading privileges, already picturing the shape of tonight's dragon steak, Rain, who had been standing behind Claire like an invisible presence, suddenly adjusted the glasses on the bridge of her nose.
The lenses flashed with an icy, calculating gleam beneath the sunlight streaming into the greenhouse.
"I have a proposal regarding our strategy for capturing the Robin Hood-like thief."
Rain spoke in her flat, emotionless voice, which somehow seemed cold enough to freeze anyone who heard it.
"According to the Guard's report, the thief appears to favor exceptionally wealthy nobles. Alderp-sama is one of the foremost nobles in the Royal Capital. Although part of his vault was emptied last night, the wealth hidden throughout his estate remains immeasurable. I believe there is a strong possibility that the thief will visit his mansion again."
The instant they heard the name Alderp, the smiles on Kōichi and Kazuma's faces froze.
Rain ignored the frantic twitching at the corners of their eyes and continued dealing the finishing blow with a blank expression.
"Since the elite Party led by Kōichi and Kazuma-san is so eager to protect the peace of the Royal Capital, perhaps you should go to Alderp-sama's estate tonight and lie in wait. With your abilities, I am certain you will capture the thief with ease."
The tea room suddenly fell deathly silent.
Kōichi and Kazuma could practically hear their own hearts shattering.
Go to that fat toad Alderp's house and lie in wait?!
What kind of Fantasy World joke was this?!
Only ten minutes ago, they had stood in the corridor pointing at that old bastard's face, calling him a wild fat pig reeking of sewage. They had even threatened to gouge out his eyeballs and stomp on them like bubbles!
And now they were supposed to go to his house and work as security guards?
That fat pig would undoubtedly accuse them of trespassing, have his private soldiers chop them into mincemeat, and feed them to the dogs!
"W-Wait! Lady Rain, isn't this proposal a little hasty?"
Cold sweat poured down Kōichi's forehead as he waved his hands frantically, desperately trying to salvage the situation.
"I think that since the Robin Hood-like thief has already robbed the place once, there's no way he'll go back! As the saying goes, the most dangerous place is the most dangerous place... No, that's not what I meant. We should protect the nobles who haven't been robbed yet, such as... such as..."
"No! Rain's proposal is absolutely perfect!"
Claire, who had been so furious she was nearly having a stroke, immediately understood Rain's malicious intentions. She sheathed her longsword and broke into an exceptionally bright, and thoroughly spiteful, smile.
"Alderp-sama not only possesses immense wealth, but his estate also covers a vast area, making it extremely difficult to guard! He needs battle-hardened elites like you to fill the gaps in his defenses! What's wrong? Were all those grand declarations you made just lies so you could keep eating and drinking for free?!"
"Guh!"
Kazuma nearly bit his tongue as the accusation caught in his throat.
The two of them desperately racked their brains for an excuse to escape this deadly assignment, but before they could think of one, Princess Iris spoke.
"I see. Alderp-sama must be terribly frightened right now."
The innocent Iris clasped her hands together and gazed at Kōichi and Kazuma with her large sapphire-blue eyes, full of trust and expectation.
"Big Brother Kōichi, Big Brother Kazuma, I know you would rather be on the front lines fighting monsters, but could you please endure this inconvenience and protect Alderp-sama? Please!"
Faced with the princess's request, a critical hit worth ten thousand points of damage, Kōichi and Kazuma's final defenses completely collapsed.
If they refused now, their images as great heroes would instantly crumble. Tonight's dragon steak and velvet-covered beds would sprout wings and fly away, and Claire might even throw them straight into prison for deceiving the royal family.
The two exchanged a despairing glance and saw the same tears of humiliation in each other's eyes.
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