"My honored heroes, while I appreciate your tremendous contribution to the Adventurers Guild's alcohol sales, it's already two in the morning."
Luna, the Adventurers Guild receptionist, stood beside their table with a helpless expression.
She had changed out of her daytime work clothes and into something more casual, but her famously voluptuous figure still commanded attention beneath the dim lights.
With one hand on her hip, she looked down at the two men who were practically melting into puddles and let out a heavy sigh.
"Hey, Luna-san..."
Kōichi barely managed to raise a hand in greeting, his smile somewhat stiff.
"Want to... hic... have a drink with us? My treat. Aqua already blew thirty million Eris, so what's a little more..."
"No, thank you. I have no intention of handling that stack of complaints Dust left behind tomorrow morning with a hangover."
Luna tapped the table irritably.
"All right, you two. Since you've already drunk yourselves into this state, hurry up and get back to that enormous mansion of yours. If you die outside the Adventurers Guild, tomorrow's clients won't even have anywhere to stand."
She was just about to reach down and pull Kazuma out from beneath the table when his eyes suddenly snapped open.
The eyes that had been clouded by alcohol now gleamed with an eerie intensity, filled with some strange obsession.
Like a slippery salted fish, Kazuma let Luna's pull carry him forward, then wrapped both arms around her long, shapely legs and clung to them like a koala.
"Hehehe... Found them... I finally found them..."
Kazuma buried his face against the hem of Luna's skirt and let out a deeply unsettling giggle.
"Megumin... you little brat... You usually look completely flat... How did you suddenly grow so much today...? Hic! This texture... this bounce... Did you finally give up Explosion Magic and start practicing Breast Enlargement Magic instead?"
"Wha?! W-where do you think you're touching, you degenerate?!"
Luna's mature, composed face instantly turned dark red. She screamed and tried to shake Kazuma off, but the drunken man seemed to have gained incredible strength. He even began trying to crawl higher.
"Kazuma Satou! Let go of me! I'm not Megumin! I'm Luna, your Adventurers Guild representative!"
"Stop lying... That tsundere tone... You're definitely Megumin..."
Kazuma only became more brazen. He reached out with both hands and began feeling his way up Luna's waist as he muttered to himself.
"Come on... Let your big brother check your Explosion core... See if it's gotten any bigger..."
Kōichi had been leaning against the bar, struggling to stand. The moment he saw what was happening, his alcohol-numbed brain cleared as though someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.
He looked at Luna's hand, already reaching for the baton carried by the Adventurers Guild guards, then at Kazuma's lecherous face, which seemed moments away from being executed on the spot. Cold sweat poured from him faster than the alcohol he had been drinking.
"Hey! Kazuma! Stop it! That's not Megumin! That's Luna-san, the woman who can have you locked in Axel Prison for the rest of your life!"
Kōichi lunged forward in horror, trying to tear the lust-crazed shut-in off Luna.
"Luna-san, calm down! He's only drunk! He may be a degenerate, but he's not usually this much of an animal! No, wait, he is usually this much of an animal, but right now he doesn't realize he's committing a crime!"
The Adventurers Guild's late-night silence was completely shattered by Luna's piercing screams and the chaotic struggle.
Kōichi pulled with all his strength on the back of Kazuma's collar while keeping an eye out for Luna's fist of justice, which could come crashing down at any moment.
He yanked so hard that Kazuma's already flimsy Adventurer coat tore with a loud rip.
Just as Kōichi was about to give the rutting beast a punch to sober him up, the angle brought him face-to-face with Kazuma, whose head was still buried beside Luna's skirt.
There was none of the haziness he had expected. No drunken stupor or unfocused gaze.
In that instant, Kazuma discreetly winked his left eye at Kōichi. The corner of his mouth even curled into a faint, triumphant smile.
His gaze was frighteningly lucid, as though saying:
"Kōichi, this is how a winner in love fights! We spent all that money on alcohol, so we might as well collect a little interest. Next time, you pretend to be drunk and I'll pull you away. Opportunities like this don't come often, so hurry up and find a way to 'accidentally' fall too!"
Kōichi's hand froze around Kazuma's collar. The corners of his mouth twitched violently, and the veins at his temples began throbbing.
This bastard.
This hopeless, bottom-of-the-barrel God of Degeneracy known as Kazuma Satou.
He was pretending to be drunk.
He was using this cheap, shameless excuse to openly molest the Adventurers Guild receptionist in broad daylight... No, right in front of everyone!
"Y-you bastard..."
Kōichi ground out the curse through clenched teeth.
He had always thought he was shameless enough, but compared to Kazuma, who was willing to sacrifice his soul just to cop a feel, Kōichi realized he was as pure as a newborn Slime.
"Kōichi-san! Hurry! Pull him off me!"
Luna had reached the limit of her humiliation and fury. She desperately covered herself with both hands, tears even gathering in the corners of her eyes.
"W-where is he touching me?! Please, save me!"
Kōichi looked at Luna's pitiful expression, which was also dangerously tempting, then at Kazuma's depraved gaze that seemed to say, "Brother, this is as far as I can help you."
He found himself trapped in an enormous struggle between morality and decency.
Should he uphold justice and kick Kazuma straight into the corner?
Or should he cooperate with his degenerate accomplice, accidentally lose his footing, and conveniently fall into Luna's exceptionally generous and warm embrace?
"Ah... Ah! Luna-san! He's too strong!"
Kōichi suddenly let out an absurdly theatrical cry. His body swayed as his face took on the unfocused expression of someone completely wasted.
"Oh no... Why did the floor suddenly turn soft...? Kazuma, don't pull me! I'm falling too... Whoa!"
With a cry overflowing with acting talent, Kōichi reluctantly released Kazuma's collar. Spreading both arms, he allowed gravity and momentum to carry him directly toward the open space above Luna.
His body traced an exaggerated arc through the air, propelled by a shout filled with righteous purpose and barely concealed selfish desire.
The alcohol had ruined his balance, making his leap both forceful and uncontrolled. Worse, because the words "let me do it" had slipped out from the depths of his heart, his expression looked especially vicious and degenerate.
"Kazuma! You animal! Let go of Luna-san! Let me... No, let me stop you!"