The silence in the Spade Kingdom was heavy. Heavy and awkward.
Usually, after a world-ending battle, there's cheering. Or crying. Or a triumphant speech about the power of friendship. But right now, the remaining Magic Knight Captains were just staring.
They stared at the massive trench carved into the planet.
They stared at the bald man checking his reflection in Genos's chrome shoulder.
"Is my head shiny?" Saitama asked, turning left and right. "The dust usually sticks."
"Master," Genos buzzed, his voicebox still sounding like a crushed soda can. "Your cranial reflectivity remains at 99%. Perfection."
"Good."
Fuegoleon Vermillion, Captain of the Crimson Lion Kings, stepped forward. His missing arm was replaced by a flame limb, but the fire flickered nervously. This man—this bald, cape-wearing anomaly—had just treated a Supreme Devil like a mosquito.
"You," Fuegoleon said. His voice demanded authority, but his eyes were shaking. "State your name and Kingdom of origin. The Mana you used... I have never felt such density."
Saitama looked up. "Mana? Oh, the magic stuff." He pointed at himself. "Saitama. Hero for fun."
"Fun?" Nozel Silva stepped in, mercury magic swirling protectively around him. "You obliterated a geological continent for fun?"
"No," Saitama sighed. "I did it because he smashed my eggs. Keep up."
Genos stepped in front of Saitama, sparking aggressively. "Back off. Master Saitama's motivations are beyond your comprehension. He operates on a level of existence you cannot fathom. If he says it was for eggs, it was for the cosmic significance of eggs!"
"It was just breakfast, Genos," Saitama muttered.
"PRECIMONITION: The breakfast of the gods!" Genos scribbled into his notebook with a broken pen.
Yami Sukehiro groaned, finally dragging himself upright. He looked like raw hamburger meat held together by spite and tobacco. He slapped a hand on Fuegoleon's shoulder.
"Relax, Hot Head," Yami rasped. "Silver Boy, you too. Put the mercury away before I flush it."
"Yami," Nozel hissed. "These strangers are dangerous."
"So is my toilet after Taco Tuesday," Yami said. He exhaled a cloud of smoke. "They saved our asses. And I made a promise."
Yami turned to a bush nearby. "Oi! Wheels! Get out here!"
Finral Roulacase crawled out of the foliage, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. "C-Captain Yami! I was providing tactical support from a distance!"
"You were hiding," Yami corrected. "Open a portal. Home. Now."
Finral looked at Saitama, then at the smoking wreckage of Genos, then back at Yami. "Bring... them? Captain, that guy punched space! He punched literal space! My portal might not even work on him! What if he's too heavy for magic dimensions?"
"Just do it," Yami barked. "I need a dump, and these guys need food."
Finral gulped. He raised his hand. "Spatial Magic: Fallen Angel's Gate!"
Space twisted. A door made of green energy swirled open, revealing the familiar interior of the Black Bulls' hideout.
Saitama's eyes went wide. Wider than when he fought Lucifero.
He walked up to the portal, poking the green energy. It rippled like water.
"Whoa," Saitama breathed.
Asta hobbled over, leaning on his sword. "Cool, right? Spatial magic is super rare and handy!"
"Handy?" Saitama turned to Genos, his face dead serious. "Genos. Look at this."
"Scanning," Genos said. "A stable wormhole connecting two points in three-dimensional space. Fascinating."
"No, Genos, listen," Saitama grabbed the cyborg's shoulder. "This is a door that goes somewhere else instantly."
"Yes, Master."
"Do you know how much money I spend on train tickets?" Saitama looked back at Finral with pure reverence. "You. Green guy. Can you open this to the Supermarket in City Z? The one with the Saturday flash sales?"
Finral blinked. "Uh... I can only go places I've been before."
Saitama grabbed Finral's hands. "Take me everywhere. I'll protect you with my life."
Finral blushed. "I... uh... I like girls, sir!"
"Shut up and walk," Yami kicked Finral through the portal. He looked back at the other Captains. "We're dipping. Clean up the mess. Tell Julius I found some new toys."
"Toys?" Fuegoleon frowned. "Yami, you cannot simply adopt a tactical nuke!"
"Watch me." Yami stepped through.
"Come on!" Asta yelled, grabbing Yuno's hand. "You come too! We gotta celebrate surviving!"
Yuno pulled his hand back, fixing his tattered robe. "I have responsibilities, Asta. The Spade Kingdom needs... reconstruction." He glanced at Saitama. "And I need to train. If that is what 'strength' looks like... I am still far behind."
"Suit yourself!" Asta grinned. "Let's go, Master Saitama! Wait, can I call you Master too?"
"No," Saitama said, stepping into the magic portal. "Just Saitama."
"OKAY, MASTER SAITAMA!"
Black Bulls Hideout
The portal swirled in the main common room.
Usually, the Black Bulls base was chaos. Today, it was... well, still chaos. Just slightly quieter because half the squad was injured or asleep.
The portal spit them out.
Yami landed on his feet. Asta face-planted. Saitama stepped out casually, looking around.
"Bit dusty," Saitama noted. "And damp."
Genos crashed out next, metal limbs clattering. "Structural integrity of this domicil is... questionable. Mold spores detected at 400% above safety regulations. Master, I recommend full incineration to sanitize."
"Don't burn the house, Genos," Saitama said, walking toward a table. "Hey, where's the food?"
From the kitchen, a smell hit them.
It was glorious. Roasted boar. Fluffy potatoes. Spiced gravy. The kind of smell that hugs your soul.
"La~ la~ la~!" A small, sheep-looking girl spun out carrying a tray larger than her entire body. "Food is ready! Everyone recover your mana with—"
Charmy Pappitson froze.
She stared at the new arrivals. Specifically, at the bald man in the yellow suit.
Saitama stared back. His stomach growled. It sounded like a lion roar in a cavern.
"Meat?" Saitama asked. Hope blooming in his eyes.
Charmy's eyes narrowed. She sniffed the air. Then she gasped.
"An empty stomach!" Charmy shrieked, drool instantly appearing. "A stomach so empty it echoes like a void! I HAVE FOUND MY CHALLENGER!"
She hopped onto the table. "I am Charmy! The Glutton Queen! You look like you haven't eaten a decent meal in years!"
"I had toast yesterday," Saitama said. "But it was a bit burnt."
"UNACCEPTABLE!" Charmy summoned her Cotton Creation magic. Massive fluffy sheep appeared, all carrying platters of steak, pasta, and weird vegetable towers. "EAT! OFFERING TO THE HUNGRY GOD!"
She shoved a turkey leg into Saitama's mouth.
Saitama bit down.
The flavor exploded. He didn't just chew; he ascended.
"Oh," Saitama mumbled through the meat. Tears welled in his eyes. "It's... it's free?"
"Eat more!" Charmy piled a mountain of rice on his plate.
Asta dragged himself to the table, grabbing a potato. "See! The Black Bulls are the best! Good food, good people!"
"Who the hell are these guys?"
A moody voice came from the corner. Magna Swing was leaning against the wall, covered in bandages, looking like a punk-rock mummy. Beside him, Luck Voltia was vibrating with electricity, staring at Genos.
"Yami brought strays," Vanessa Enoteca mumbled from the couch, waving a wine bottle. She was wearing next to nothing. "Hey, bald and beautiful. Want a drink? You shine like a disco ball."
Saitama ignored the flirting. He was focused on the potatoes. "Genos, get in here. This sheep-girl is magic."
Genos scanned the food. "Warning: caloric density extremely high. Master, remember your diet plan."
"Shut it." Saitama inhaled a loaf of bread.
Luck zipped forward. One second he was by the wall, the next he was in Genos's face.
"Hey!" Luck grinned, eyes manic. "You look strong! You're made of metal! Can I break you? Can I? Let's fight!"
Genos turned his head mechanically. "Combat request denied. I am currently operating at critical damage levels. Repairs required."
"Aww, come on!" Luck punched Genos in the chest.
CLANG.
Luck's fist hurt. He shook it out, grinning wider. "Hard! Really hard! Asta, did you see that? It's like punching a wall, but better!"
"Luck, don't break the guests!" Yami shouted from the hallway. "I'm going to the can. If anyone disturbs me, I'll send you to the Shadow Realm. Baldy, keep eating. Asta, explain the rules."
SLAM. The bathroom door shut.
Asta swallowed his food. "Right! Rules! Uh... basically, don't break the base—wait, we break the base all the time. Okay, Rule 1: Don't die! Rule 2: Get stronger!"
Saitama wiped grease off his chin. He looked at the ragtag group. A witch passed out on the floor. A punk with a bat. A kid looking at pictures of his little sister a bit too intensely. A giant transforming grey blob in the corner.
"This is a weird hero association," Saitama noted. "Rank C at best."
"We're Magic Knights!" Magna yelled. "Show some respect! We're the Squad that surpassed the limits!"
"Limits..." Genos's eyes flashed. He sat down (crushing the wooden chair instantly). "Excuse me. You mention limits. My Master, Saitama, has theorized that strength comes from breaking one's natural limiter."
Magna blinked. "Limiter?"
"Yes." Genos pulled out a charred diagram. "Through 100 pushups, 100..."
"NOT THIS AGAIN!" Asta screamed. "HE DOESN'T USE MAGIC! TELL THEM, SAITAMA!"
Saitama was ignoring them. He had found the dessert tray.
Suddenly, Noelle Silva walked in. She'd fixed her hair and pigtails, trying to regain some nobility after the messy battle. She flipped her hair, looking down at the bald stranger devouring a cheesecake.
"Hmph," she started, the classic royal pose. "So, you're the peasant Captain Yami dragged in? Don't think just because you punched Lucifero you're special. I am royalty, and I expect—"
Saitama looked up, cheek full of cake. "Can you pass the salt?"
Noelle flinched. "I... Excuse me?! I am talking to you!"
"The cake is a bit sweet. Salt helps."
Noelle's face turned red. "Listen to me! Who are you?! Where are you from?! Why do you have no magic?!"
Saitama swallowed. "Chew before you talk, kid. Bad for digestion."
"I AM NOT A KID! I am eighteen!"
"Eighteen?" Saitama scratched his head. "Same diff."
"Why you..." Noelle raised a hand, water magic gathering. "Sea Dragon's Roar—"
"Warning," Genos stood up, arm cannon aiming at Noelle. "Threat to Master detected. Charging Incineration Cannon."
"WAIT!" Asta jumped between them. "Don't shoot Noelle! She's just being... Noelle! And Noelle, don't shoot them! They killed the Devil King!"
"He's irritating!" Noelle huffed, water vanishing. But she kept stealing glances at Saitama. He felt... totally absolutely calm. No fear. No trying to impress her. It was annoying. And kind of refreshing.
Saitama finished the cake. He patted his stomach. "Okay. Good meal. Thanks, hairy guy."
"I am a girl!" Charmy yelled.
"Right. Thanks." Saitama stood up. "So, where do we sleep? Is there rent? I can't pay rent. Genos usually handles the bills."
"Master," Genos interjected. "We have no currency in this dimension. Our Yen is invalid."
"Seriously?" Saitama slumped. "I'm broke in two worlds?"
"Actually," Gordon Agrippa whispered from the shadows. His voice was so low usually nobody heard it. "We... have... spare... rooms... down... the... hall... always... welcome... new... friends..."
Most people ignored Gordon. But Saitama turned his head.
"Down the hall?" Saitama asked Gordon directly. "Cool. Thanks, creepy makeup guy."
Everyone froze.
"He... he heard Gordon?" Magna whispered. "On the first try?"
Gordon's pale eyes widened. Tears streamed down his black makeup. "Best... friend..."
One Hour Later
Saitama found a room. It was dusty, filled with strange jars and a cursed doll that giggled, but it had a bed.
Genos was in the corner, running diagnostics while plugging a cable into a magical lamp socket he had jury-rigged to output electricity.
"Energy conversion stable," Genos reported. "Master, I have been analyzing the atmospheric particles. This 'Mana' interacts with matter similarly to psychokinetic energy, but denser. If I can recalibrate my core to intake Mana..."
"Don't explode," Saitama said, flopping onto the bed. "This mattress is lumpy."
"I shall procure a better one immediately." Genos moved to the window.
"Sit down, Genos. Relax."
Saitama stared at the ceiling. The stone bricks were cracked. It wasn't his apartment. It wasn't his world. But...
"The food was good," he murmured.
Suddenly, a rumbling shook the castle. Not an earthquake. A distinct, biological rumbling.
"Trouble?" Saitama sat up.
"Negative," Genos said. "Acoustic analysis confirms... heavy footsteps. Heading to the sanitation facility."
Saitama's face scrunched. "Nature calls."
He walked out of the room, heading for the bathroom. He turned the corner and stopped.
Captain Yami was standing in front of the single bathroom door. He had a newspaper in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other.
"Occupied," Yami grunted, reaching for the handle.
Saitama narrowed his eyes. "I need to go too."
"I'm the Captain," Yami said. "Captain poops first. Rank has privilege."
"I killed a devil god today," Saitama stepped forward. The air pressure in the hallway dropped. "And I ate a lot of questionable sheep-meat. This is an S-Class emergency."
Yami's dark magic flared. Shadows writhed on the walls. The "Black Moon" effect started to manifest just from his killing intent.
"You think you can take my throne, baldy?" Yami grabbed his katana hilt. "This is the one place I don't compromise. The toilet is my sanctuary."
Saitama didn't flare power. He didn't glow. He just stood there, looking overwhelmingly mundane, yet immovable as a mountain.
"I have a coupon," Saitama said nonsensically. "Move."
"Make me."
The Black Bulls gathered in the corridor, peaking around corners.
"Are... are they gonna fight?" Magna asked, terrified. "Over the toilet?"
"This is the battle of the century!" Luck cheered.
Yami drew his blade. "Dimension Slash: Equinox—"
"Serious Series," Saitama raised a hand. "Serious Shove."
He pushed.
Not a punch. A shove.
The air solidified. Yami's dark magic, which could cut through dimensions, met Saitama's palm.
CRACK.
The hallway exploded.
Not fire. Pressure. The walls blew outwards. The roof lifted off the base. Yami went skidding backward, his boots carving grooves into the stone floor, his katana humming as it tried to slice the kinetic force.
Yami flew past the toilet door, crashing into the far wall.
"Damn," Yami laughed, sliding down the rubble. "That's some heavy ki."
Saitama opened the bathroom door.
"Thanks."
He stepped in and locked the door.
Outside, the Black Bulls stood in the wreckage of their hallway, staring at the closed wooden door that had somehow survived the shockwave.
Genos clicked his pen. "Update to Threat Assessment: Captain Yami survived a Serious Shove. Potential sparring partner identified."
Yami dusted off his pants, grinning like a shark. "Yeah. I'm gonna like this guy. Even if he steals my spot."