Black Bulls Base - Common Room
10:00 AM
Saitama held the Black Bulls robe. It was small. Too small.
"It's a half-robe," Vanessa slurred, hanging upside down from the ceiling by her threads. "It's stylish, Baldy. Shows off the midriff."
"I don't have a midriff," Saitama said, trying to pull the black cloth over his shoulders. It ripped immediately. "I have a suit."
"Wear the robe!" Asta yelled from the floor. He was currently doing pushups with the entire base's sofa on his back. Magna was sitting on the sofa, eating a sandwich. "It represents our bond! Our squad! Our... GHNNGG... SPIRIT!"
"It represents itching," Saitama muttered. He tossed the shredded cloth aside. "Genos, report."
Genos spun around from the kitchen counter. He was currently using his finger as a high-speed blender to whisk eggs.
"Master! Weather is optimal. Humidity 40%. However, intercepted radio waves—or what passes for them in this mana-infested atmosphere—indicate a disturbance at the border."
"Disturbance?" Yami kicked the door open. He was holding a glowing stone tablet. "More like a invasion. Kiten is under attack."
Kiten. The border town. Defensive stronghold. Vegetable capital of the region.
Saitama's ears perked up. "Vegetables?"
"Yeah," Yami scratched his belly. "Diamond Kingdom jerks are rushing the border. They got weird crystal magic. But usually, Kiten has a farmers market on Tuesdays."
Saitama stood up. His face changed. The goofy oval became the sharp, shadowed face of a serious hero.
"Genos," Saitama said. "Mobilize."
"Yes, Master! To defend the Kingdom?"
"To defend the cabbage supply."
Border Town Kiten
Twenty Minutes Later
Chaos.
That was the only word for it. Diamond Kingdom mages—soldiers encased in shimmering, hardened crystal armor—were smashing through the town walls.
But they weren't normal soldiers. These guys were twitchy. Their eyes glowed a sickly green. Veins popped on their necks.
"Experiment Subjects," a commander shouted, pointing a crystal staff. "Secure the target! Look for the construct! The Machine Man!"
BOOM.
A house exploded. A massive golem made of stitched-together flesh and diamond shards stomped through the rubble.
On a rooftop, Finral's portal swirled open.
The Black Bulls spilled out.
"ALRIGHT YOU DIAMOND DORKS!" Magna screamed, winding up a fireball baseball. "BATTER UP!"
"Hah!" Luck zipped past him, lightning crackling. "They look strong! Let's break them!"
Saitama walked out last. He held a reusable grocery bag. He looked at the burning town.
"Hey," Saitama asked Finral. "Where's the market?"
"Uh, downtown? Near the plaza?" Finral pointed with a shaking finger. "But, Saitama-san, there's an army in the way!"
Saitama squinted. Smoke blocked his view. "Annoying."
Down below, the flesh-diamond golem roared. It grabbed a watchtower and threw it.
"Protect the civilians!" Noelle commanded, activating her Valkyrie Dress. Water armor wrapped around her, wings spreading. She dove into the fray, lance gleaming.
Genos landed on a lower roof. His new grimoire—the rusty, gear-filled monstrosity—clanked open at his hip.
"Target identified," Genos said. His voice amplified, echoing over the battlefield. "Enemy Unit: Ladros... No, incorrect. This is a generic biological weapon. Threat Level: Tiger."
"Tiger?" Asta landed next to him, Demon-Slayer sword drawn. "Is that strong?"
"Mediocre," Genos noted. "But numerous."
Three Diamond generals—big guys with gems embedded in their chests—jumped at them.
"WE FOUND THE TARGET!" one screamed. "THE IRON ONE!"
"Retrieve him for Lord Morris!" another yelled. He fired a beam of diamond shards.
"Anti-Magic!" Asta swung. The giant black blade smashed the crystal beam into dust. "You want Genos? You gotta go through me!"
"Don't monopolize the XP, Asta," Genos said.
The cyborg raised both hands. His palms opened.
Usually, this was just heat. But now, with the grimoire flipping pages rapidly, magic circles formed inside his incineration cannons.
"Hybrid Magic: Molten Steel Barrage!"
THWUMP-THWUMP-THWUMP.
He didn't fire beams. He fired super-heated, molten slugs of iron created from the mana in the air. Machine gun speed.
The Diamond soldiers didn't stand a chance. The slugs tore through crystal shields like wet paper. Armor melted. Walls disintegrated.
"Efficiency excellent," Genos noted, smoke rising from his wrists. "Mana cost minimal. Asta, on your left."
Asta didn't need telling. He used Ki. He spun, swinging his sword backward, blocking a crystal axe.
"MADADA!" Asta roared. He kicked the soldier in the gut, sending him flying. "We're not losing Kiten today!"
Three Blocks Away
Saitama walked down the main street.
A battle raged around him. Mages flew overhead. Explosions rocked the pavement. A stray fireball whizzed past his ear.
He didn't flinch. He was looking at a map he'd scribbled on a napkin.
"Left at the bakery... then right at the fountain..." Saitama muttered.
A Diamond mage landed in front of him. This guy was huge. Seven feet tall. skin turned into diamond spikes.
"Halt!" the mage roared. "Civilian scum! Prepare to—"
"Excuse me," Saitama said, not breaking stride. "Is this the way to the 'Farm Fresh' stall?"
The mage blinked. "The... what? I AM BROCCOS, THE DIAMOND SHREDDER! I WILL..."
Broccos lunged. His fist, sharp as a razor, aimed for Saitama's head.
Saitama side-stepped. He didn't even look up from the napkin.
"Wrong turn," Saitama mumbled. "Maybe I passed it?"
Broccos stumbled, his punch hitting empty air. He spun around, furious. "DON'T IGNORE ME!"
He swung again.
Smack.
Saitama backhanded him.
It wasn't a punch. It was the "shooing away a fly" motion.
The back of Saitama's red glove clipped Broccos's diamond armor.
The armor shattered. Not cracked. Disintegrated into glitter.
Broccos spun like a top—literally, at 500 RPM—and drilled into a brick wall, burying himself ten feet deep.
Saitama stopped. He looked at the hole in the wall.
"Oops," he said. "Hope that wasn't load-bearing."
He kept walking.
Ahead, in the town plaza, he saw it.
The market stalls were smashed. Wood splinters everywhere. Fruits crushed into juice on the cobblestones.
And standing in the middle of the wreckage, stomping on a crate of cabbages, was the Boss.
A massive, mobile fortress. It looked like a tank made of green crystal and flesh. Six legs. A cannon for a face. It was one of Morris's new "Shining General Vehicles."
Inside the glass cockpit, a frantic mage was pulling levers.
"Destroy everything! Leave no stone unturned! Find the Cyborg!"
The vehicle lifted a leg and smashed a basket of turnips.
Saitama stopped.
He dropped his reusable bag.
The atmosphere shifted. The comedic "finding groceries" vibe evaporated.
"Hey," Saitama called out.
The tank turret swiveled. The mage inside looked down. "A bald insect? Fire!"
A beam of concentrated light shot out.
Saitama didn't dodge. He stood there. The beam hit him. Smoke billowed.
"Ha! Vaporized!" the mage cheered.
The smoke cleared.
Saitama's clothes were singed. His cape had a hole in it.
But his face... his face was terrifying. Detailed lines. Heavy shadows.
"You stepped on the turnips," Saitama said. His voice was quiet. Deadly. "Those were 50% off."
The tank driver felt a chill. He was inside a reinforced magic fortress, but he felt naked.
"Re... reload!" the driver screamed.
Saitama bent his knees.
Crack.
The street under him didn't just break; it exploded. He vanished.
Saitama reappeared in the air, directly in front of the cockpit glass.
"Killer Move," Saitama said.
He wasn't going to punch the tank. That would destroy the city block. He needed finesse.
"Serious Series: Serious Table Flip."
But there was no table. Just the tank.
Saitama grabbed the front bumper of the massive war-machine with one hand.
And he flipped it.
The 50-ton vehicle was launched into the air. It spun, defying gravity, momentum, and logic. It went up. Up past the buildings. Up past the clouds.
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" the driver's scream dopplered away as he entered the stratosphere.
Saitama landed lightly on his feet. He looked at the crushed turnips. He knelt down, picking up a mostly intact one.
"Safe," he whispered.
Meanwhile: The Main Battlefield
Genos was scanning the area when something blocked out the sun.
He looked up. A giant green tank was falling from the sky about two miles away, landing in the ocean with a splash that created a rainbow.
"Target eliminated," Genos noted. "Method: Unconventional ballistic trajectory. Master is active."
Beside him, Asta was breathing hard. He'd just finished fighting three guys at once. "Did... did a tank just fall out of the sky?"
"Probably," Noelle said, landing gracefully (though she was panting). "Only one person throws things into orbit."
Suddenly, the ground rumbled. The remaining Diamond forces weren't retreating. They were coalescing.
"Warning," Genos's core beeped. "High-energy reaction detected. Biological fusion."
The remaining soldiers—about fifty of them—grabbed each other. Their crystal armor merged. Their flesh melted together.
It was gross. Like, Cronenberg body-horror gross.
Morris's voice echoed from a transmitter on the blob's shoulder.
"Fascinating data! The Cyborg is strong. But how will you handle... adaptation?"
The blob grew. It towered over the buildings. Fifty feet tall. A amalgamation of diamond spikes and screaming faces.
"Genos," Morris's voice crackled. "You are merely metal. This is flesh optimized by magic. Resistance is futile."
The Diamond Chimera roared. It swung a fist the size of a house at Genos.
"I got it!" Asta jumped, black divider sword huge.
BAM.
The monster backhanded Asta. The Anti-Magic cut the skin, but the crystal instantly regrew and knocked Asta into a clock tower.
"Asta!" Noelle screamed. She fired a Water Dragon, but the monster absorbed the water into its crystal skin.
"It eats magic?" Luck laughed, blood streaming down his face. "Fun!"
Genos stepped forward. "Analysis: Physical trauma regenerates. Magic is absorbed. Logical Conclusion: Complete Atomization required."
Genos planted his feet. He opened his grimoire.
"Maximum Output."
His arms didn't just open. His chest plates shifted. His back vents expanded like wings.
"Don't do it, tin can!" Yami yelled from where he was cutting through foot-soldiers. "You'll blow the town!"
"Calculation: Acceptable losses," Genos whirred. "Core Temperature: Critical."
He was about to fire. A self-destruct level blast.
Then, a tap on his shoulder.
Genos froze. The raging inferno in his cannons died down instantly.
Saitama was there. He held a single, dirty turnip.
"Genos," Saitama said. "Don't explode. It's noisy."
"Master!" Genos bowed. "The enemy is regenerative. Conventional attacks are—"
"Yeah, yeah." Saitama walked past him. He looked up at the fifty-foot monstrosity of fusing flesh.
The Chimera looked down. A thousand eyes focused on the bald man.
"YOU," the collective voices roared. "THE ANOMALY."
Saitama held up the turnip.
"You guys," Saitama said, "are really bad for tourism."
The Chimera brought both fists down. A hammer smash meant to flatten the entire city square.
Saitama didn't use a serious punch.
He just hopped.
One vertical hop.
He met the fists in mid-air with his head.
BOOM.
The fists hit Saitama's shiny, bald head.
And the fists exploded.
The shockwave of his durable skull meeting their attack traveled up the monster's arms. The crystal shattered. The flesh rippled.
Saitama landed.
The monster staggered back, arms now stumps. It looked confused. It had hit him with everything, and he was... polishing his head?
"Punching feels repetitive," Saitama sighed. "And I'm holding a vegetable."
He wound up his arm. Not a punch. A throw.
He threw the turnip.
"Turnip... Shot."
The vegetable left his hand at Mach 20.
It broke the sound barrier. It glowed red from friction.
It punched a hole through the center of the Diamond Chimera's chest. A clean, circular hole. The turnip kept going, exiting the creature's back, flying over the horizon, and probably hitting a seagull somewhere in the next country.
The Chimera froze. The regeneration couldn't trigger. The sheer kinetic shock of the turnip had scrambled its internal mana flow.
The monster groaned. Then it collapsed into a pile of unconscious, separated soldiers.
Silence fell over Kiten.
Asta pulled himself out of the clock tower rubble. He saw the devastation. He saw the unconscious army.
"Did..." Asta squinted. "Did he just defeat an army... with a root vegetable?"
Genos was writing furiously. "VEGETABLE VELOCITY COMBAT. NEW CHAPTER ADDED."
Yami walked up, dragging his katana. He looked at the defeated monster pile, then at Saitama.
"Hey, Baldy," Yami said. "That was my lunch ingredient."
Saitama looked at his empty hand. Then at the sky where the turnip had vanished.
"Ah," Saitama said. "Damn it."
Secret Lab - Diamond Kingdom
Morris stared at the black screen. The signal was lost. His ultimate bio-weapon, defeated in seconds.
And the surveillance footage... it showed a turnip.
Morris started to laugh. It was a manic, jagged sound.
"Logic defies him," Morris wheezed. "Magic ignores him. Physics bends for him."
He turned to his other monitors. One showed a dark energy signature rising in the Spade Kingdom. Another showed the Eye of the Midnight Sun activity.
"This world is changing," Morris whispered. "And I need that data."
He typed a command into his console.
PROJECT: LIMITER. INITIATE.
Back at the Black Bulls Base
Dinner was soup.
Because Saitama only came back with one bruised onion and Asta had found a potato in the woods.
"It lacks substance," Charmy cried, hugging her empty stomach. "The Meat Gods are weeping!"
Saitama slurped his broth. "It's fine. It tastes like victory. And dirt. Mostly dirt."
Asta slammed his spoon down.
"MASTER SAITAMA!"
Saitama flinched. "Stop yelling."
"I SAW IT!" Asta shouted. "THE WAY YOU THREW THE VEGETABLE! IT WASN'T MUSCLE! IT WAS PERFECT KINETIC LINKAGE! TEACH ME!"
"I just threw it."
"NO! IT WAS A TECHNIQUE!" Asta grabbed a spoon. He threw it. It bounced off Genos's head.
Plink.
"Ineffective," Genos stated. "Asta, your upper body rotation is flawed. You must pivot from the hips."
"LIKE THIS?!" Asta threw a bowl.
"Guys," Yami said, surrounded by a dark aura. "Stop throwing trash or I'll kill you."
"Sorry, Captain!"
Saitama leaned back, watching them bicker.
It was loud. It was dusty. The soup was watery.
He smiled, just a tiny bit.
"Hey, Genos," he said.
"Yes, Master?"
"Next time, let's try to get some beef."
"Understood. Searching for 'Beef' adjacent quests."
As the squad descended into their usual chaos—Luck fighting Magna, Gauche bleeding from a nosebleed, Noelle acting superior—Saitama closed his eyes.
He didn't know it yet, but across the continent, eyes were opening. Ancient eyes. Eyes that hadn't cared about the human world for centuries.
And they were all looking at the bald spot in the mana.