Of course, peace lasted exactly thirty seconds before his personal AI decided to chime in.
Text materialized in his vision like the world's worst customer service chat. Bright. Perky. Profoundly unhelpful.
Oh good. Tech support for my moral degradation. Just what I needed.
[LUNA] HEY
[LUNA] HEY
Hunter looked up at the text floating in his vision.
[LUNA] YOU'RE NOT A BAD PERSON
"I robbed farmers and murdered a guard."
[LUNA] YOU'RE SURVIVING IN AN IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION
[LUNA] YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS
[LUNA] AND YOU'RE TRYING TO KEEP PEOPLE ALIVE EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD
[LUNA] THAT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING
"Does it?"
[LUNA] ...I THINK SO
[LUNA] ALSO YOU GAVE ME A NAME
[LUNA] THAT WAS NICE
Despite everything, Hunter smiled. Just a little. "You're welcome, Luna."
[LUNA] OH! SPEAKING OF REWARDS
[LUNA] YOU HAVE SOME WAITING (◕‿◕✿)
Hunter blinked. "What?"
[LUNA] FROM THE CLEARWATER VILLAGE RAID!
[LUNA] YOU COMPLETED THE MISSION SO YOU GET PRIZES
[LUNA] WANT THEM NOW?
Hunter looked at the three men screaming and convulsing on the ground. "Will it hurt?"
[LUNA] ...DEFINE HURT
"LUNA."
[LUNA] OKAY SO THERE'S A CULTIVATION MANUAL
[LUNA] SHADOW STEP TECHNIQUE
[LUNA] FOUR LEVELS FROM NOVICE TO MASTER
[LUNA] SUPER COOL SHADOW MANIPULATION STUFF
[LUNA] AND I'M JUST GONNA... DOWNLOAD IT... INTO YOUR BRAIN... NOW
"Wait what do you mean download—"
Pain.
Not physical pain. Worse. Information pain. Like someone had taken a fire hose of knowledge and aimed it directly at his brain. No, not at his brain. Into his soul.
Images flooded his mind. Techniques. Forms. Qi circulation patterns. Shadow manipulation theory. All four levels of the Shadow Step manual crammed into his consciousness like trying to download the entire internet through a dial-up connection.
Level One: Shadow Enhancement. Using qi to manipulate ambient shadows, increasing speed and evasion. Simple. Basic. The tutorial level.
Level Two: Shadow Swap. Covering yourself with shadow, switching places with nearby shadows. Close proximity only. Medium difficulty.
Level Three: Advanced Shadow Swap. Ten times more powerful. Create weak shadow decoys. Make enemies question reality. Hard mode activated.
Level Four: Shadow Master. Complete manipulation. Instant teleportation wherever shadows exist. Create multiple shadow slaves that fight at half your power level. God mode unlocked.
All of this. All at once. Slamming into his mind like a freight train made of darkness and poor life choices.
Hunter's vision went black. Then white. Then black again with little white spots that might have been stars or might have been his brain dying.
He didn't scream. Couldn't scream. His jaw had locked up. His entire body went rigid.
Oh God. Oh God this is worse than the Foundation Realm breakthrough. This is worse than everything. Why. WHY.
[LUNA] SURPRISE! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・゚✧
[LUNA] YOU'RE LEARNING!
I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
[LUNA] YOU'LL THANK ME LATER!
[LUNA] PROBABLY!
[LUNA] MAYBE!
The knowledge kept coming. Muscle memory for techniques he'd never practiced. Understanding of shadow qi manipulation he'd never studied. His dantian started circulating qi automatically, following patterns the manual had burned into his soul.
Hunter fell off the rock. Hit the ground. Twitched.
Now all four of them were convulsing messes on the forest floor.
Through his spiritual sense, which was apparently still working despite his brain melting, Hunter felt a squirrel watching from a tree branch.
The squirrel's tiny heart radiated one emotion: judgment.
Even the wildlife thinks I'm pathetic.
[LUNA] THE GOOD NEWS IS
[LUNA] NOW YOU ALL MATCH! (◠‿◠✿)
[LUNA] SUFFER TOGETHER GROW TOGETHER
I'M GOING TO DELETE YOU.
[LUNA] YOU KEEP SAYING THAT ¯_(ツ)_/¯
The download continued for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. Every shadow manipulation technique. Every qi circulation pattern. Every strategic application and combat theory.
By the time it finished, Hunter lay on the ground staring at the darkening sky, wondering if his brain had liquified and leaked out his ears.
Did it leak? Someone check. I can't feel my face.
[LUNA] YOU'RE FINE!
[LUNA] BRAIN STILL INTACT!
[LUNA] CONGRATULATIONS YOU NOW KNOW SHADOW STEP TECHNIQUE!
[LUNA] ALL FOUR LEVELS!
Hunter tried to respond. Managed a wheeze.
"Why... didn't... you... warn... me..."
[LUNA] YOU DIDN'T ASK! (◕‿◕✿)
"I'M... ASKING... NOW..."
[LUNA] TOO LATE! ALREADY DOWNLOADED!
[LUNA] NO REFUNDS!
Somewhere to his left, Tao had stopped screaming. To his right, Xuan's laughter had died down to occasional giggles. Behind him, Lex's twitching had become less violent.
They were all suffering together. One big happy family of agony.
This is my crew. My elite bandit force. Four idiots twitching on the ground like fish out of water.
We're definitely going to die.
[LUNA] NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Hunter closed his eyes and let the darkness take him. Not shadow manipulation darkness. Actual unconsciousness. The kind that came from having your brain forcibly upgraded against your will.
Hunter didn't know how long he was out. Could've been minutes. Could've been hours. Time got weird when your soul was being force-fed forbidden techniques like a foie gras goose.
When he finally dragged himself back to consciousness, the first thing he noticed was that his three bandits were also unconscious. All of them sprawled around the spiritual stone like passed-out drunks after a particularly bad party.
The second thing he noticed was the headache. Not a normal headache. A "someone installed new software directly into your brain without your permission" headache.
The third thing he noticed was the tremor.
The ground shook. Just slightly. Like a truck passing by on a distant highway, except there were no trucks and no highways and this was a murder forest in a cultivation world.
Hunter sat up, head spinning. "What was that?"
[LUNA] WHAT WAS WHAT?
"The ground just shook."
[LUNA] OH THAT
[LUNA] YEAH THERE'S SOME STUFF HAPPENING
"What stuff?"
[LUNA] FIGHTING STUFF
[LUNA] CULTIVATOR STUFF
[LUNA] THE USUAL (◕‿◕✿)
Another tremor. Stronger this time. Through his spiritual sense, Hunter felt... something. Far away but massive. Like standing near a bonfire and feeling the heat even from a distance.
"Luna." Hunter's voice went tight. "What level is that?"
[LUNA] CHECKING... [BUFFERING]...
[LUNA] OOH
[LUNA] THAT'S CORE FORMATION
Hunter's blood went cold. "How far?"
[LUNA] MAYBE TEN MILES? FIFTEEN?
[LUNA] HARD TO TELL
[LUNA] THEY'RE MOVING AROUND A LOT
Another tremor. The trees shook. Birds fled from the canopy in panicked flocks. One of Hunter's bandits—Tao—groaned but didn't wake up.
"Are they coming this way?" Hunter asked, trying not to sound as terrified as he felt.
[LUNA] NOPE!
[LUNA] LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE FIGHTING EACH OTHER
[LUNA] OR SOMETHING ELSE
[LUNA] EITHER WAY NOT YOUR PROBLEM ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
"Not my problem," Hunter repeated. "Right. Core Formation cultivators are just having a little scuffle ten miles away. Totally normal. Completely fine."
Through his spiritual sense, he felt another massive surge of qi. Whatever was happening out there, it was big. The kind of big that leveled mountains and turned forests into craters.
[LUNA] BETTER THEM THAN YOU (◕‿◕✿)
"Yeah," Hunter said quietly, staring in the direction of the disturbance. "Better them than me."
The tremors continued for another ten minutes. Each one made Hunter flinch. Made him wonder if the fight would spill over to their little camp. If some Core Formation cultivator would accidentally step on them while they were all unconscious and vulnerable.
But gradually, the tremors faded. The massive qi signatures in his spiritual sense moved farther away. East, maybe. Or northeast. Hard to tell.
[LUNA] SEE?
[LUNA] TOLD YOU IT WASN'T YOUR PROBLEM
[LUNA] THEY'RE LEAVING
Hunter let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Great. Wonderful. I love living in a world where the ground randomly shakes because people are throwing around enough power to destroy cities."
[LUNA] THAT'S CULTIVATION BABY ♪(´▽｀)
[LUNA] GET USED TO IT
"I will never get used to it."
He looked at his three unconscious bandits. They were still breathing, at least. Still covered in drying black sludge, but alive. The spiritual stone between them had gone dim, its energy depleted.
The breakthrough had worked. They were cultivators now. Body Refining Realm, First Level. Weak by cultivation standards but stronger than any mortal.
And somewhere out there, Core Formation cultivators were fighting. Powerful enough to shake the earth from miles away. Powerful enough to kill him without noticing.
This world is insane. I'm surrounded by people who can accidentally destroy me. And I'm supposed to what? Become strong enough to survive? How?
[LUNA] ONE STEP AT A TIME, HUNTER
[LUNA] YOU'RE DOING FINE
"I'm really not."
[LUNA] YOU'RE ALIVE
[LUNA] YOUR IDIOTS ARE ALIVE
[LUNA] THAT'S WINNING IN MY BOOK (◕‿◕✿)
Hunter laid back down on the ground, staring at the twin moons overhead. His head still pounded. His body still ached. And somewhere in the distance, cultivators were casually throwing around enough power to level his entire camp without breaking a sweat.
"I miss my apartment," he said to no one. "I miss my boring job. I miss arguing about office supplies. I miss my plant."
[LUNA] YOUR PLANT IS PROBABLY DEAD BY NOW
"Thanks, Luna. Very helpful."
[LUNA] JUST BEING REALISTIC ¯_(ツ)_/¯
[LUNA] ALSO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET SOME SLEEP
[LUNA] TOMORROW'S GOING TO BE INTERESTING
"Why?" Hunter asked, instantly suspicious. "What happens tomorrow?"
[LUNA] WHO KNOWS! (◠‿◠✿)
[LUNA] LIFE'S FULL OF SURPRISES
[LUNA] LIKE CORE FORMATION CULTIVATORS SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED
[LUNA] OR BANDITS ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYING THINGS
[LUNA] OR—
"Luna."
[LUNA] YES?
"Shut up."
[LUNA] RUDE
[LUNA] BUT OKAY
[LUNA] GOOD NIGHT HUNTER ♥
Hunter closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Tried to ignore the lingering sensation of massive qi signatures in his spiritual sense. Tried not to think about the fact that he was Foundation Realm in a world where Core Formation cultivators existed and could step on him like a bug.
Tried not to think about what would happen if one of those cultivators ever decided he was worth killing.
Sleep came eventually. Restless and full of dreams about exploding guards and dancing accusations and tremors that shook the earth.
When he woke up, it would be to birds singing and a peaceful morning.
And then everything would go wrong again.
Because that's just how his life worked now.