After school Noxan though the whole time of how to apologize while walking home
*Should I do it loud, quite,in the break,in the lesson, infront of everyone, alone,shy, confident,just HOW*
Noxan was drained in endless toughts,he was alone drowning in a ocean.
He wondert and wondert but only fell deeper in the dedspred of perfection.
Noxan was laying in his bed for over 2 hours now and he could feel his addiction slowly kicking in.
Noxan was introduced to porn at the young age,his first interaction was on the tv,his dad left the TV on at 2 am and he had to go to the toilet,then he saw it a girl jumping on a man.Around 1 year after that he found out what it's called,wich started it all.
Because Noxan was so little his parents didn't think he needed parent control,his parents believes.
"Our child is innocent how should he know what porn is"
That was the mistake.He became addicted at ~~~ wich was critical ,he couldn't stop and it keep going till today.It got so worse he sometimes needs it 5 times a day.
His addiction is so bad ,that he only notices and realizes that he done it after it's done.
Even if he wanted to fight against it , which he truly wanted,he couldn't because he didn't know when he's doing it and when not.
Noxan couldn't hold it and had done his addiction.
Noxan felt even more drained now.Not just drowning but the whole ocean with him into the endless void of darkness,fear, disgust and disappointmen.
Noxan was so drained ,he forcefully went to sleep.
It wasn't night yet still he needed some rest from the pain of drowning.
He dreamed of him and Sylas in school
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME YOUR PERVERT I NOTICED THAT YOU TOOK PHOTOS OF ME"
Sylas screamed but Noxan was drowning at the same time.
He heard it,no... , he barely heard it muted beneath the surface where he was drowning alone. The words reached him the way sound travels underwater: warped, delayed, trembling… yet somehow sharper than anything on land could ever be.
And when Sylas spoke, the words didn't just touch him,they pierced him.
It felt like a spear driven straight into his chest, a spear surrounded by the ocean, pushed in its deepest pressure, cooled in its darkness, sharpened by its silence.
The sea itself carried the strike, pressing it deeper, as if the whole ocean wanted to make sure he felt every last piece of it.He believed he already touched tje growned but was proven wrong.
He felt his mistake,but still didn't wanna delete the photo,they were everything he had from him,he didn't get a glass of his attention,he never got his attention.
He suddenly felt a hand forcefully grabbing him from the face ,the hand pulled him out of the water but it was so rough, agonizing and crushing,he rather choose drowning.
He woke up and he saw it was his mothers hand on his face,she yelled:
"WHO IS THIS SYLAS AND WHY DID YOU TALK ABOUT HIM WHILE DREAMING"
Noxan was shocked and instantly asked
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT DID I SAY"
His mother vilantly slapped him and said
"OH YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID"
In a disturbed and insane smile,not out of happiness,it was from disgust.
" "MAYBE ONE DAY HE WILL LIKE ME " Tell me right now who that disgusting boy is you disappointed"
She said while noticibel raising her hand again.
Noxan had an idea
*I can pretend that he is a friend of my girl "crush" *
Noxan answered relaxed as if he won a prize but didn't care
"Mom you understand this completely wrong,he is a close friend of this girl, Maria.Maria is so pretty and perfect,I wanna get closer to her if you understand,but for that I need to get closer to Sylas,he has to like me so I can see Maria"
Noxan was holding back his laugh because Maria didn't exist
His mom answered in a regretting tone
"Ohh ,I'm sorry I didn't know I tough you meant liking in forbidden way"
His mom wanted to apologize for hitting him,she wanted to make self made fried chicken,what she didn't know was that the slap didn't hurt Noxan anymore,he was so used to it, that part of his face was numb.
Then he got an idea,how to apologize to noxan,he felt brilliant
*I know it now :"Hey Sylas I didn't wanna hurt you but my reflex kidded in.I didn't say eww because your ugly or disgusting,but because someone called me indirectly "gay".
And then I'm making an throwing up sound and say :
"Sorry I'm still disgusted of that thought,of me being GAY"*
Noxan knew that response is gonna hurt him but he didn't care,he found a way to explain himself without telling the truth.But then he had another thought.
*What if he's an undercover gay like me,I can't say that I don't wanna risk it*