Noxan was so overwhelmed that he couldn't sleep,but this time it was different.Noxan wasn't overwhelmed because the day was so disappointed,it was because he lived a day he never dared to daydream about.
Noxan loves to daydream,he daydreams all the time.When Noxan is bored,
has a long drive or is lost in thoughs he needs daydreaming as an escape,
but when he watches Sylas it's already big enough of a dream.
Noxan let out a long breath.Noxan realized that Sylas looked like how he wanted to look,not since he has seen but since he remember.Even before he knew Sylas he wanted to look like him.
His dirty blond hair that was messy in the front,the oval face shape,the light eyes,the summer freckles.His thin,muscular, light, hairles and small body.His small pointy nose,the small inwards going ears,the way his face was symatrical,his thin lips those were all things Noxan dreamed since he was little.
It was a gutwrenching feeling at first.The first time he saw Sylas he was jealous,not just jealous but drowned at the same time.All the reason on his body why he cut himself,all the shaming he got,they all were gone on him,he was the person he dreamed of beeing.
The more Noxan learned about Sylas,the more he saw him,he slowly started to get warm at the thought of him,he played it off because "he can't be gay" he had to believe that's just jealous nolove ,he repeated to himself with every scar he gained back then "I don't love Sylas, I'm straight." He tried everything to push his heart into other feelings,even if it's means to cut his heartitself.
As Noxan kept doing that for days he slowly got another feeling, months passed and lust kicked.Everytime he was in it,he had thoughts of Sylas.He felt disgusting,not just the act but also his mind screamed that he should vomit.
Noxan tried everything to make his heart lose feelings but he couldn't,the moment he accepted it his eyes opened.
All these memories and thoughts flew through Noxan that night, they weren't harmless but they reminded him of what he was okay with doing,for a label.
Noxan quilty said
"Queernees somehow opened my eyes.I don't know how but it made me mentally better"
A cold breeze entered the room trough the window,
like a wave that pushed all his toughs away and let him sleep.
Noxan saw the faceless boy this night,but this time he had a face.
It was him.. Sylas.
Noxan cried in his dream,Sylas grapped his arm pulled him close there bodys touching each other.Sylas put his arms around Noxan.
Noxans tears dropped on the top of his hair.
Noxan kissed Sylas forehead,but right after that he fell into his knees he hugt sylas around the waist,while his face was pushed into his breast area.
He cried endlessly but Sylas let him,that version of him kneew what he alll went through.
Sylas rose his hand and hugged his head and pushed him even more into his heart.
Noxan stopped crying but didn't let go.
Noxan said nearly starting crying again.
"I loved you since one year, please don't leave me.
I don't want anything more then this hug of comfort."
Sylas looked at Noxan and asked
"Why is your body covered with so many scars"
Noxan broke again,he scremed in tears
"They are the price i paid just for you,
all these countless cuts are resembling 1 night each,where I loved you.
I waited forever just for this one dream..."