Now I understand why Selena is still single. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
These guys who should be persistently pursuing her despite rejection are cowering like scared puppies.
No wonder they're just fooling around even with graduation right around the corner.
Their confidence has evaporated to the point they're practically hiding behind each other.
I don't know exactly where things went wrong, but it's not my problem.
Whatever butterfly effect happened, I'm not responsible for their romantic collapse.
Frankly speaking, taking care of their lives won't change my future.
This isn't a transmigration story. It's reincarnation. With past life memories added, if we're being specific.
My job is to survive, not to be their love coach.
"So that's what we're curious about. That's what we want to know."
"Yeah."
"Right."
"Exactly."
"Tell us."
Hydra heads, if I specifically pointed to one head to ask, couldn't just one of you answer?
Why do all four of them respond together every single time?
My head is starting to hurt now. Please, Four Heavenly Kings. Okay?
"Fine. I'll tell you. Get ready to take notes."
Curious? Intrigued? Want to know? Hm? Dying to know?
Their faces lean forward, eyes shining like children waiting for candy.
Then I should tell you. If the protagonists are curious, what power does an extra like me have? Right?
"Enlist in the military."
""""...Huh?""""
Damn these guys. Of course they respond in perfect unison at a time like this.
Not when I ask them something important—only when it's something ridiculous.
"I said enlist. And if you're going to do it, better as a regular soldier like me. If they try to make you officers because you're nobles, just say 'I want to serve alongside the soldiers who work tirelessly for the Empire!' and they'll be delighted to put you in."
"Uh..."
"Once you're there, you'll feel like you can do anything, with confidence rising like a tiger's spirit. Plus, there are people from all walks of life, so it's great for building social skills. The physical and mental health benefits are just a bonus. You can trust me as someone who's been through it."
Hey, join the army? Try it, try it! You can do it! You've got this!
My mouth keeps talking, and I sound like some veteran turned motivational speaker.
Being a regular soldier is so great that I absolutely want to recommend it!
Or at least that's what I tell myself—while ignoring the trauma buried somewhere in my ribs.
"Hmm..."
"Enlist..."
"This is..."
"..."
Their expressions slowly shift from confusion… to contemplation… to something dangerously close to acceptance.
I expected them to panic and say "No thanks, I'm not buying whatever you're selling!"
That's the normal reaction. The sane reaction.
But seeing them seriously considering it, the shock of rejection must have been quite severe.
Their eyes look hollow—as if a single romantic failure has shaken their entire worldview.
Looking at it that way, maybe my past self enlisting as a regular soldier was also inevitable...
If heartbreak can turn nobles into infantrymen, then maybe I wasn't uniquely pathetic.
Maybe it's simply the universal path of idiots like us.
No, that's not right. No matter what, that shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have been like that.
Even now, thinking about it makes my stomach twist. That whole moment—my grand, idiotic confession—was a disaster from start to finish.
"I've told you what you wanted to know. Can I go now?"
"...Leon."
While they were collectively stunned, head number three, Alexander, raises his head.
His eyes widen slightly, like a man waking up from a nightmare he thought was long buried.
Has he been the first to break free from the status effect of rejection trauma?!
A miracle. A true breakthrough in psychological warfare.
"If we do this, will our hearts really feel better?"
"At least mine did."
Or so I say, though even I'm not entirely convinced.
Whether it was because of enlisting, or going through hardship,Or maybe because I recalled my past life and that diluted the pain.
Nothing is certain. Honestly, I don't know either.
Heartbreak recovery was never my specialty—survival was.
One thing for sure is that it feels unfair if I'm the only one who enlisted as a regular soldier.
If I suffered, shouldn't they at least taste a little bit of the same despair?
I shall bestow upon you the duty to protect the nation...! Go! Become national heroes!
I deliver the grand declaration in my head like some deranged commander sending troops into the abyss.
'Surely they won't actually go.'
Even I wouldn't wish that fate on them… well, not seriously.
Even if I wasn't in my right mind back then, our Four Heavenly Kings should be more sensible than me.
They were always the more balanced ones—calmer, smarter, and definitely not the type to run off on impulse.
It's been at least half a year, up to two years since they were rejected, so they should have healed by now.
In theory, anyway. Time heals all wounds, right?
Unless they're truly insane, they wouldn't do what I did.
But as I look at their faces—pale, shaken, eyes trembling—I begin to have a very bad feeling.
A very bad feeling.
----
"Did you hear? Schlieffen suddenly stopped attending classes."
"Wilhelm is absent too, they say?"
"Alexander and Joachim as well!"
"They haven't been seen at the Academy since yesterday!"
…These crazy bastards aren't actually enlisting, are they?
The moment I hear all their names lined up like that, my stomach drops.
Why does it sound exactly like the start of a mass desertion?
No—worse.
Like a group of idiots inspired by the worst possible role model.
Me.
If they seriously followed my example and marched straight to the recruitment office…
I bury my face in my hands.
I swear, if even one of them shows up with a shaved head and a training uniform, I'm throwing myself into the nearest lake.
The Academy courtyard buzzes with rumors, every whispered conversation tightening the knot in my chest.
Please. Please let them just be skipping class.
Please let them be sick, slacking off, partying—anything but following my disastrous footsteps.
Because if Schlieffen, Wilhelm, Alexander, and Joachim all enlist after my "legendary heartbreak escape,"
I'll never live it down.
Not in this life.
Not in any life.