It has been three days of me just laying there. Doing nothing. My mind is blank. My body is still breathing. I am alive on the outside, but I don't know what's happening inside
Why do I feel this way? I've asked Niv this question multiple times, and his only responses were either silence or "I don't know"
Someone opens the door, and he does it again
I thought he genuinely loved me, but him still doing the same thing despite me being in this state proves that he only cared about what's outside
It's the next day. I am still laying on the same bed. I didn't bother to change. I didn't bother to eat. Chloe had to force feed me. I felt paralyzed. It's like even if I wanted to move, my body would reject that.
I am alone. Alone with my thoughts, and Judy's last moments
***
It's the next day. Again
"Sakura"
"..."
"The crew came back with water. Will you help?"
"..."
"I am sorry, but you have to work if you're staying here. It doesn't make you special if I am your brother"
"..."
I get up. Not because I wanted to, but because my body wanted it.
It always goes against what I want
I went outside with Niv. We haven't talked to each other for days
"Hey. Welcome back" He says as he waves his hand
"It was a hell of a journey!" A woman complains
"Come on, let me help you"
He grabs the water buckets, and heads back
"Hey Sakura"
"..."
"Uhh… Are you tired?"
"..."
"Hey. If you don't feel well just go back. Come here, I will help you" She says as she puts my arm around her shoulder
We walk back inside
Niv puts a cup of water on the table in front of me
"You have to drink water, you know that right?"
"..."
"Sigh. Chloe! I need some help"
"O-Oh. Yes of course"
Chloe comes and takes the cup in front of me. I feel a glass being pushed on my lips, then a liquid goes through my mouth into my throat
I cough just remembering that, and all the food that was force fed to me came out. Now, the table is dirty because of me
Chloe sighs and picks up a towel to clean it. Meanwhile Niv takes me to my room
Once we were inside he said, "Sakura. We need to talk about something way more important"
"..."
"There was someone near our house, and we need to see if they are a harm to us or not"
"..."
"You are coming with me. Now"
He grabs my hand and we start to walk
He gets some food and a cup of water, and he feeds me
We head outside. Still holding hands
We walked a little, and then we reached our destination
In front of us was a wooden house. A small one. Enough for one person
Niv walks forward and knocks on the door
But no one responds
He knocks again
The door opens, and a woman in a white shirt. Black hair that reaches to her neck, and moles under her eyes
"What do you want blind man"
"B-Blind man? Uh.. What are you doing here"
"Jerking off"
"W-What?!"
"And you interrupted me"
"U-Umm.. Sorry. I meant why are you here"
She takes a glance at me, then smiles. For some reason I throw up again, and the food I ate earlier is out. It's like my body doesn't want any nutrition
For some reason that smile made me feel ill
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean that" the woman says
"Y-You didn't do anything wrong. Sakura, get up"
He holds my arm and makes me stand on my feet
"So, your name is Sakura?"
"..."
"Can she talk?"
"Yes, she just…Doesn't feel like it"
"Hey. Come in"
"Huh?"
"Come in"
We get inside her house, and the place is filled with black rectangular things
There are a lot of things that look like paper, but they are put all together, making it one huge bundle of papers
"Listen Miss. You didn't answer my question"
"Oh. I am here because I want to"
"Well, sadly that can't happen"
"Why?"
"Because you might harm us"
"And how will you know if I am going to do it?"
"That's why you can't stay here, because we don't know if you'd do it or not"
"Sorry. It's not your property"
"Neither it's yours"
"That doesn't give you any more rights than me"
"Listen. Just leave or join us"
"Join?"
"Yes. If you work with us, you can stay here as long as you want"
The woman thinks for a moment, and then asks, "What things I gotta follow?"
"The old man's word"
I would've throwed up, but my stomach was already empty
"Uh huh. I am guessing he is a good guy… Right?"
"Of course"
"Nope. I won't join you"
"Then you will have to leave"
"Nope. I am not leaving"
"Tsk. Listen, I will force you to leave if I have to"
"And how are you going to do that? Rape me?"
"W-What?! No!"
"Then how?"
"I will pull you outside"
"Then how about you do it?"
Niv walks closer to her, and grabs her shoulders with his hands
The woman just grins, then she punches him in his stomach. For some reason it was painful enough for Niv to actually make a reaction. I've seen him getting stabbed and not make such a reaction. What did she do?
For a while Niv tried to hit her, even though she is a woman, and Niv is supposed to be stronger, Niv doesn't have his eyes. She has the advantage
We ended up leaving her, but she told me to visit her once in a while
Niv seems awfully stressed. Is it because she won?
We went back inside our house
It was another one of those nights
***
It's the next day. Again
For some reason, after yesterday, I was able to drink water now normally, but that's about it
I got up, and headed out early. We are supposed to visit that woman again, but I went early, which meant I was alone
"Hey young girl"
"..."
"Come in"
"...Will you hurt me?"
"Huh? No, why would I do that?"
"..."
I head inside, and she picks on of those black rectangular shaped things and puts it inside a bigger black rectangular thing
The huge square thing on the table lights up, and few people appear
"This TV was made in 1999. I don't know how it survived this long"
"..."
"The movie is directed by David Fincher. One of my favorites!"
"...W-What is a movie?"
"A video recording of a team who try to tell a story visually"
"...What's a TV?"
"It's the thing where you watch movies from"
"...What are these black things?"
"A DVD"
"..Y-Yesteday you said something about Niv"
"Huh? What is it?"
"Rape or something like that"
"Oh. I don't know I just felt like he was going to do it"
"..What is rape?"
"When someone fucks another person without the other person saying okay or yes"
My heart starts to beat faster, my breathing starts to become heavier, and my body starts to sweat. Is this what it's called?
"W-What was the thing you were doing yesterday before we came in?"
"Shut up. Fight club is on. When a movie is playing, you have to be quite"
"...S-Sorry"
We watched the movie. It was around two hours. None of us talked. We just watched. It was weirdly comforting. Finally my jaw wasn't clenched. My shoulders weren't stiff, and my breathing is normal
"Wanna watch The end of Evangelion?"
"..What's that?"
"A story about a boy having to save the world"
"O-Oh"
"Well. It actually talks about his depression and his needs for his father's validation"
"W-Whats depression"
"When you are so sad you can't think of anything except one or two things"
Depression?
"Oh. You asked me what I was doing yesterday"
"..Yeah"
"I was jerking off"
"What's that? Why was Niv embarrassed?"
"I basically have sex with myself"
"Y-You can do that?"
"Yeah. Just use your hands"
Use my hands?
She plays the next movie, and we watch it in silence. None of us talked. None of us felt sad. None of us thought about the world
The movie finished. I didn't understand a thing, but I loved it
"Miss"
"Yes?"
"What's your name?"
"You can call me Asuka"
"Wasn't that the name of the girl in the movie?"
"Yes"
I get up and head back to our house
It was another one of those nights
But I tried my best to stay with Niv. Tried
***
It's the next day. Again
Niv didn't go yesterday to Asuka because he was feeling bad
"Sakura"
"..."
"Chloe didn't see you yesterday"
"..."
"Here. Drink some"
He gave me a cup of water, and I drinked it
"Thanks. They worked so hard for it. It's not easy to go to the other side of the planet just to get some ice, then melt it to actually drink water"
"..."
I stayed in bed the whole day. I felt a painful, weird feeling in my body. I really wanted to go back to Asuka
It was another one of those nights
I begged Niv for the first time in a while. He obliged and told the old man I wasn't feeling well
I spent the night with Niv on the same bed. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't
…Jerking off
I got up slowly, and headed outside
I spent hours alone. Me and the sand alone, and the shining ball in the sky
I was supposed to sleep, but I spent it alone, with my thoughts
I felt what I felt when the old man was there, but this time, I felt happy, relieved that I did this instead of going with him
But why? Why was I in pain and sadness when he was around? He wasn't doing something wrong..Right? Tyler Durden did it to Marla, and they enjoyed it. Why did I feel bad about it?
***
It's the next day. Again
I ate my lunch with Asuka, because I sneaked out alone
We watched three movies
"Ahh. The matrix is such a good trilogy"
"What's a trilogy?"
"A three series movie"
"Is there any other trilogy?"
"Wanna watch The Lord of the Rings?"
"..Yes. I think"
She picks the DVD, and turns the movie on
We watched it alone. Just me and her. No concern about the world. No concern about the zombies. No concern about the old man. Just me and the TV