the twins are five months old now and the house is straight-up ruled by tiny terrorists
regulus's royal robe
the big black-silver one that weighs like ten kilos and screams "i'm the king bow down"
yeah that one
is now a dress-up prop
this morning he has the global live-streamed "thousand-year empire anniversary ceremony"
billions watching
he's standing in front of the closet in his boxers looking for the robe
can't find it
"babe where's my robe"
i'm feeding luna and scrolling my phone "ask your kids"
he runs to the nursery
then the most dramatic scream i've ever heard from a grown man
i waddle in
and lose my shit
aiden has the robe tied around his neck like a cape flying around the room yelling "I'M SUPER WOLFMAN!!"
aurora is wearing the sleeves as a dress twirling like a princess
damon and luna are chewing on the hem drooling all over the silver embroidery
the robe is soaked in milk and baby spit and who knows what else
regulus turns white
"that's… that's the one i'm supposed to wear in thirty minutes…"
aiden flies straight into him "daddy be superman too!!"
throws the robe over regulus's head
robe is huge
regulus disappears inside it like a black hole swallowed him
kids start playing tug-of-war with the cape part
"mine!!"
"
"no mine!!"
regulus inside the robe flailing "guys i can't breathe—"
RIPPPPP
the robe splits from neck to hem
regulus bursts out wearing nothing but his strawberry-print boxers
four kids cheer "DADDY NAKED!!"
i'm on the floor dying
ceremony time is in fifteen minutes
backup robe is "being washed" (aka used as a blanket fort last night)
no choice
he has to wear the wet drooly robe
it's clinging to him like a sad wet cat, silver embroidery gone dull, still dripping milk in places
he walks into the ceremony hall like that
global live stream turns on
billions of werewolves watching their king looking like he just lost a fight with a washing machine
chat goes nuclear
"is the king okay?? he looks… damp"
"why does the robe smell like baby through my screen"
"those are handprints on the hem LMAO"
regulus tries to keep a straight face
"fellow wolves today marks the thousand-year—"
door bursts open
four kids charge in
aiden riding regulus's leg like a horse
aurora hugging his thigh
damon and luna crawling up the throne like monkeys
aiden yells "DADDY MY CAPE!!"
tugs the robe
RIPPPPP part two
robe slides off one shoulder
half his chest out
female wolves in chat: "HELLOOOO"
male wolves: "i'm not jealous you're jealous"
regulus trying to hold robe closed with one hand while holding luna with the other
aurora grabs the hem and yells "PARACHUTE!!"
pulls
robe comes completely off
regulus standing in front of the entire world in strawberry boxers holding two babies
global chat explodes so hard the server lags
"THE KING IS IN BOXERS"
"STRAWBERRIES LMAOOOO"
"i'm dead this is the best day of my life"
i run in with a towel wrap it around him while laughing my ass off
kids all cheering "DADDY NAKED AGAIN!!"
regulus face redder than a tomato
"technical difficulties please stand by"
turns off camera
then just stands there in boxers holding four kids looking like he wants the floor to swallow him
i'm crying laughing
he whispers "i'm never wearing clothes again"
kids clap "YAY NAKED DADDY!!"
the robe is now officially retired to the "kids toy box"
regulus did the rest of the ceremony wrapped in a blanket
chat renamed him "Strawberry King"
he's never living this down
and i have the video saved in three different clouds
blackmail material for life
Author's Note:
cat is sleeping on my keyboard again and added 38 extra z's, my shirt is covered in milk again, i think i have pee on my leg, send help or therapy, muah chaos queens