Faced with Claire's almost tangible killing intent and the gleaming blades all around them, Kōichi and Kazuma's feet, which had been ready to run, came to a hard stop.
A cold wind blew past, and their shriveled stomachs let out another mournful gurgle.
Hunger, that most primitive of desires, completely overcame their fear of death in that moment.
Kōichi turned his head and met Kazuma's eyes, which had gone green from hunger.
No words were needed. In that instant, their souls resonated on the same wavelength.
"Kazuma, if we run now, the only thing we'll have for dinner tonight is sewer rats roasted over a fire."
Kōichi's voice was low and hoarse, carrying the madness of someone with his back to the wall.
"Are you kidding me?! I'm a man destined to eat buttered bread specially served in the royal palace!"
Kazuma gritted his teeth and made an extremely obscene casting gesture with both hands.
"Kōichi, this is our last chance to get dinner! We're fighting these guard dogs!"
"Right! For the Royal Capital's freeloading life! For dinner!"
Kōichi roared. At that life-or-death moment, he slammed both hands onto the ground and shouted,
"Eat this! Earth Creation into Create Water! Composite Magic: Ultimate Mud Sliding Rink!"
Although it was only the most basic Beginner Magic, boosted by Kōichi's intelligence, a large amount of earth and water instantly mixed beneath the Knights' feet, forming a wide stretch of sticky, slippery mud.
"Whoa!"
"What the hell is this?! It's so slippery!"
The Royal Guard Knights, whose formation had been perfectly orderly a moment ago, instantly lost their balance. Burdened by heavy armor, they toppled into the mud like bowling pins, filling the air with clanging metal impacts.
"Nice one! Now watch me!"
Kazuma moved like a slippery loach, taking advantage of the chaos to pounce on the nearest fallen Knight.
He pressed a hand against the Knight's helmet and shouted, "Drain Touch!"
A faint blue light was forcibly drawn from the Knight's body and flowed into Kazuma.
"Oooh! My stamina's coming back! It feels like I just took a huge bite of grilled meat!"
Kazuma shouted in excitement. Then his greedy, extremely sleazy gaze locked onto Claire, who was trying to steady herself in the mud.
"Take out the leader first! Take this, you violent woman! Steal!"
Kazuma stretched out his right hand and grabbed at empty air.
A dazzling flash of light flickered in his hand.
At that moment, the entire square fell into a strange silence.
A breeze blew past, and a piece of fabric appeared in Kazuma's hand. It was a pair of pure white women's panties, edged with a little bit of cute lace.
"..."
Kazuma looked at the spoils in his hand, then at Claire, and swallowed.
Claire froze in place.
She slowly lowered her head and felt an unusual chill beneath her skirt armor. Her heroic face instantly went from pale to bright red, like a boiled crab.
"You... you lowlife perverted scum! What did you do to me?!"
Claire let out a scream that echoed across the entire Royal Capital square. The shame, fury, and killing intent in her voice were so intense that even the jets of the nearby fountain seemed to be forced backward.
Her eyes were red, and tears of humiliation even sprang from the corners. She clutched her skirt tightly with both hands, no longer even caring about her sword.
"Uh, well... The lace is actually kind of cute. Didn't expect you to be so girly inside..."
Kazuma made the fatal mistake of commenting.
"I'll tear you to pieces! Right now! This instant! Knights! Chop these two perverts into mincemeat and feed them to the dogs!"
Claire completely flew into a rage. She drew her longsword without a care for anything else and charged toward them with enough force to destroy everything in her path.
"Holy crap! Kazuma, you idiot, you could've stolen anything, so why panties?! Run!"
Kōichi was scared out of his wits and turned to flee.
"The skill is random! I can't help it! Save me!"
Kazuma stuffed the panties against his chest and burst into a sprint beyond his limits, chasing after Kōichi.
"Stop right there! You two filthy maggots! I'm going to skin you and turn you into rugs!"
Like a lioness driven completely mad, Claire struggled to her feet in the mud with no regard for anything else. She swung her longsword and charged straight at Kōichi and Kazuma, carrying enough killing intent to split half the square apart. The eyes that had once been filled with knightly honor were now bloodshot, as if they were about to spit fire.
Kōichi and Kazuma scrambled away in terror. Just as Claire's cold, gleaming blade was about to split them, panties and all, clean in half,
"Stop, Claire."
A cool, calm voice suddenly rang out over the square.
It was not loud, but it seemed to possess a strange magic, instantly cutting through Claire's deafening roar.
A slender figure appeared like a ghost between Claire and the two of them. She wore light guard armor similar in style to Claire's, though in a darker shade, and held a staff that gave off a faint magical glow. Beneath her hood were eyes so calm they seemed almost emotionless.
It was Princess Iris's other personal guard, Rain.
"Rain! Move!"
The tip of Claire's sword stopped less than an inch from Rain's nose. Her whole body shook with rage as she pointed at Kōichi and Kazuma, who were hiding behind Rain.
"Those two suicidal perverts actually dared to do that to me! I have to deliver divine punishment right here today!"
"I saw it."
Rain's gaze swept lightly over the pure white fabric in Kazuma's hand. Her eyes did not waver in the slightest. She only pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
"Kazuma Satou-san used a Thief's skill and inflicted severe psychological trauma and reputational damage on you. Under the laws of the Knights' Order, his crime is indeed unforgivable."
"You heard her?! Even you admit it! Move aside! I'm going to chop off that pervert's fingers one by one!"
Claire raised her sword again, tears of humiliation still clinging to the corners of her eyes.
"However,"
Rain gently raised her staff, and an invisible magical barrier instantly blocked Claire's blade. She turned her head and calmly looked at Kōichi and Kazuma, whose faces were filled with terror.
"These two are friends personally acknowledged by Her Highness Iris, as well as her companions during her adventure in Axel."
"So what?! Her Highness was only deceived by them!"
Claire shouted hysterically.
"As Her Highness's guards, our duty is to protect her safety, not decide what kind of friends she should make."
Rain's voice remained flat, but it carried unquestionable authority.
"If Her Highness were to learn that the Axel friends she cherishes were cut down in the Royal Capital square by her own personal guard, how do you think she would feel? Do you want to see Her Highness cry in sadness, Claire?"
At the words Her Highness cry in sadness, Claire's raging killing intent froze instantly.
She bit her lower lip, her face shifting between pale and ashen. Her sword hand trembled violently, clearly caught in an intense internal struggle.
"Ugh... B-But... my... my..."
Claire's eyes brimmed with wronged tears. The kingdom's foremost Knight now looked like a little girl whose toy had been stolen.
"Please return Claire's personal belongings, Kazuma Satou-san."
Rain turned and fixed Kazuma with an icy stare.
"After that, as a courtesy to Her Highness's friends, I will arrange for you to enter the royal palace. But if you dare make one more improper move, I guarantee that your deaths will be a hundred times more painful than being cut down by Claire."
Kazuma shuddered under Rain's lifeless gaze and threw the panties away as if he had been electrocuted.
"Y-Yes! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! The skill really is random!"
Kazuma pressed his hands together and bowed frantically in apology.
Claire caught her underwear, hastily stuffed it into a gap in her armor, then glared at the two of them as if trying to pierce thousands of holes through their bodies with her eyes.
"Remember this! As long as I still draw breath, you will not get within half a step of Her Highness! I'll be watching you every second!"
"Phew..."
Kōichi let out a long breath and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, then immediately resumed his tactician's face. He straightened his cloak and gave Rain what he believed was an elegant smile.
"Thank you for helping us, Lady Rain. Then, without further delay, shall we go enjoy... no, pay our respects to Her Highness Iris? By the way, what time does dinner start in the palace?"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance. In each other's eyes, they saw the wild joy of having survived a disaster.
The Royal Capital's free meal was finally within reach!