I smile.
It's all I need to do to fool everyone.
Pretend to be alright.
Tell you that I'm fine.
It's a lie.
You believe me anyway.
Why?
I don't know.
Perhaps I'm just that good at pretending.
You say I'm confident.
My words must be right you say.
That's good.
Confidence is my armor.
My armor that no one can break.
That way you won't hurt me anymore.
And you won't see the cracks appearing behind my mask.
I can do this, I tell myself.
Just like always.
Like I did back then.
Show only the part of my feelings that you want to see.
The part of me you want to have.
It's easy to convince you that my mask is real.
Pretend to be normal again.
The old me.
The me you want.
The unstoppable me that was full of confidence and laughter.
Now I'm just fear and tears.
Shattered pieces poorly glued together.
But you don't need to know that.
I'm good at hiding.
My mask is my armor.
It protects me.
So that I can fall apart quietly without you knowing what is happing.
My armor is strong.
It's sturdy.
Has been since she left.
No, even before then.
Someone told me it's good I'm such an open person.
Good that I always show my feelings honestly.
It's proof of trust.
Of friendship.
Of bonds.
I smile.
On the inside, I scoff.
How long has it been since someone saw my real feelings?
I don't know.
I'm too scared to show them.
If I show them you will know that I'm breaking.
I don't want you to know.
So I smile.
Fool everyone.
Lie through honesty and omission.
White lies are good, some say after all.
Put on my mask.
Pretend to be confident.
Unstoppable.
Invincible.
But I'm not.
I cry.
You don't see.
After all, my mask is my armor that hides everything.
And my armor is sturdy.