Raquey Coastal Beach - The BBQ Aftermath
The Deep Sea King was currently being used as a bench.
Well, his unconscious, flattened form was. Yami sat on the monster's back, eating a skewer of grilled squid.
"You cooked this good, Tin Can," Yami grunted, tossing a stick into the sand.
Genos stood by the fire—actually, he was the fire. He was holding a metal grate over his open palm, which was emitting a steady, controlled 350-degree flame.
"Precision cooking," Genos stated, flipping a burger. "By regulating thermal output, I ensure the proteins denature perfectly. Master Saitama prefers medium-rare."
Saitama sat on a piece of driftwood, mouth full of calamari. "This is chewy. But free food is free food. Tastes like victory. And salt water."
Asta was running laps in the heavy sand, screaming. "THE OCEAN AIR MAKES MUSCLES STRONGER! ONE THOUSAND SQUATS!"
Noelle sat nearby, wrapped in a towel. She kept glancing at Saitama. Every time he looked her way, she aggressively looked at a crab.
"Hey, water-girl," Saitama said.
Noelle jumped. "I told you, it's Noelle! What do you want, you hairless anomaly?"
"Pass the BBQ sauce."
"I am royalty! I do not pass condiments!" Noelle shouted, tossing him the bottle with magic.
Suddenly, Vanessa—who was hungover under a palm tree—sat bolt upright. Her eyes went white. The small red cat on her shoulder hissed.
"No..." Vanessa whispered. She clutched her head. "No, no, no. Not her. Not now."
"V?" Yami looked over. "You look paler than usual. And that's saying something for a drunk."
"My mother," Vanessa shook. "The Witch Queen. She... she felt it."
"Felt what?" Saitama asked, squeezing sauce onto a burger.
" The punch," Vanessa looked at Saitama with terror in her eyes. "She says the Tapestry of Fate ripped when you hit the ocean. She wants to see you. Now."
"Tell her I'm eating," Saitama said.
"You don't understand!" Vanessa grabbed his arm. Her hands were freezing. "You don't say no to the Witch Queen. She'll curse the whole squad! She'll turn us into mulch! We have to go. Please."
Saitama looked at her desperate face. Then at his burger.
He sighed. A long, tragic sigh.
"Fine. Does she have dessert?"
The Forest of Witches - Entrance
It was creepy. Classic horror movie creepy.
The trees were black and twisted. The sky was permanently violet. Crows watched them with eyes that were definitely human eyeballs glued onto bird faces.
"Atmospheric analysis," Genos scanned the woods as they stepped off Finral's brooms (Saitama rode piggyback on Asta's sword, which looked ridiculous). "Mana density is toxic. This ecosystem is hostile."
"I hate this place," Vanessa shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I ran away for a reason."
"Is your mom scary?" Asta asked loudly. "My mom was... wait, I don't know my mom! BUT SISTER LILY IS NICE!"
"My mother eats nice for breakfast," Vanessa muttered.
A massive golem made of mud and skulls rose from the ground. It blocked the path.
"HALT," the Golem boomed. "ONLY WOMEN MAY PASS. MEN ARE FOR EXECOO—"
BAM.
Saitama slapped the Golem.
Not a punch. A "move out of the way" slap.
The Golem's head spun 360 degrees, then 720, then corkscrewed off its neck and flew into a tree. The body crumbled.
"What?" Saitama looked back at the stunned group. "He was blocking the path."
"That was a Guardian Golem!" Vanessa shrieked. "It resists A-Rank magic!"
"It was muddy," Saitama wiped his glove on a leaf. "Let's go. This place gives me the creeps. No grocery stores anywhere."
The Throne Room of Blood
The palace wasn't built; it was grown. Grown from thorny vines and blood-magic cement.
They walked into the main hall. It was vast, cold, and smelled like iron. Sitting on a throne elevated fifty feet in the air was the Witch Queen.
She was imposing. Ageless. Cold beauty that could freeze a volcano. Crows circled her crown.
"Vanessa," the Queen's voice echoed without her moving her lips. "My prodigal daughter. You bring men into my sanctuary? Disgusting."
"Mother," Vanessa curtsied, shaking. "This is... the anomaly you asked for."
The Queen's eyes shifted. They locked onto Saitama.
He was looking at a stained glass window depicting a massacre.
"Nice window," Saitama commented. "Very red."
"You," the Queen commanded.
Saitama turned around. "Me?"
The Queen stood up. A tidal wave of red mana flooded the room. It was Blood Magic. The ability to control the bodies of others. It pressed down on them. Asta grabbed his sword to stay standing. Yami braced his legs. Noelle hit her knees.
Saitama stood there.
"You have no mana," the Queen observed. "A hollow shell. Yet... you shattered the Fate of the Sea. Interesting."
She lifted a finger.
"Blood Magic: Puppet's Command."
Red strings shot from her fingers. Millions of microscopic mana-threads. They dived into Saitama's skin, seeking his blood vessels. Usually, this spell hijacked the nervous system instantly. The victim became a doll.
The threads hit Saitama's skin.
Ping. Ping. Ping.
They didn't pierce.
They bounced off.
"Hm?" The Queen narrowed her eyes. "Your skin... repels mana? Fine. I will enter through the nose."
The mist tried to go up Saitama's nose.
Achoo.
Saitama sneezed.
The sheer hurricane force of the sneeze blew the red mist backward. The crows circling the Queen were blasted into the back wall, leaving feathery imprints. The Queen's throne rattled.
"Bless you," Genos said.
"Dusty in here," Saitama rubbed his nose. "So, you're the mom? You shouldn't try to stick stuff up people's noses. It's rude."
The Witch Queen froze. Her spell—her absolute control—failed because he sneezed?
"Impossible," she hissed. "I control life! I control biology! BLOOD MAGIC: EXECUTIONER'S IRON MAIDEN!"
The blood on the floor rose up. It hardened into spikes, creating a cage of death around Saitama. The spikes slammed inward to impale him.
CRUNCH.
The spikes hit him and shattered. Like glass hitting a diamond.
Saitama scratched his bald head, knocking a jagged shard of blood-iron off his shoulder.
"Is this a magic trick?" Saitama asked Yami. "She's just making a mess."
Yami was laughing. Actually laughing. "Oh man. Witch Queen, you picked the one guy whose body doesn't listen to logic."
The Witch Queen descended. She floated down until she was eye-level with Saitama. She was furious. Terrified. Intriguied.
"What are you?" she whispered.
She opened her grimoire. It was ancient, thick with forbidden curses.
"I have seeing magic," she said. "If I cannot control your body, I will see your future. I will see your Destiny Thread and cut it."
Red glowing threads appeared in the air. The Red Thread of Fate. It showed everyone's future.
She looked at Asta's thread—chaotic, black, intertwined with devils.
She looked at Vanessa's thread—broken, tied to the Bulls.
She looked at Saitama's thread.
She couldn't find it.
"Where is it?" She panicked. "Everyone has a thread! Birth, life, death!"
She squinted. She used her ultimate divination spell.
Then she saw it.
It wasn't a red thread.
It was a thick, yellow, steel cable.
It didn't weave into the tapestry of the Clover Kingdom's future. It smashed through it. The cable was dragging the entire destiny of the world behind it like a trailer.
"You..." The Queen stumbled back, bleeding from her eyes. "You don't have a destiny. You are a black hole in the story!"
Saitama looked at the floating red string near his face.
"Is this a spider web?"
He waved his hand.
Snap.
He broke the magical visualization of Fate.
Not his fate. The Fate.
The Witch Queen gasped. She fell to her knees. This bald peasant had just backhanded the concept of causality.
"I... I concede," the Queen whispered. Her arrogance shattered. She looked at Saitama with the reverence of a scientist seeing a living god.
"You need a fix, don't you?" Saitama pointed at Genos. "My robot buddy. The sea water messed up his circuits. Can you fix him? You seem to know about bodies and stuff."
Genos stepped forward, rust spotting his chassis. "Queen. My internal hydration levels are at critical. Oil coagulation detected. I require maintenance."
The Witch Queen looked at the cyborg. A blend of man, machine, and that strange Grimoire she had sensed earlier.
"Ancient blood cures," the Queen mumbled, getting up. She wiped the blood from her eyes, regaining some composure. "I can purge the salt. I can reinforce the metal with Blood-Iron alchemy. But it will cost you."
"I have a coupon for a haircut," Saitama offered. "But I don't use it. You can have it."
The Witch Queen stared at the coupon. Valid at Super-Cuts, City Z.
She took it.
"Deal," she said. "Just... stop sneezing in my throne room."
Two Hours Later - The Clinic
Genos lay on a stone slab. The Queen was working. It was a terrifying sight—red mana fusing with Genos's wires, the rusty grimoire hovering nearby, adding pages to itself.
"This technology..." The Queen murmured, soldering a mana-circuit with a blood spike. "It is not of this world. It creates energy without life force."
"It's a sphere core," Genos explained. "Dr. Kuseno's masterpiece."
"I have improved it," the Queen stated. "I injected Witch's Blood into your coolant lines. You now possess regenerative properties. Small dents will heal."
"Self-repairing metal?" Genos's eyes glowed. "Fascinating. Strength increase?"
"Substantial. Also, you can now track targets by their blood type within 50 miles."
"Stalker mode upgraded," Yami commented from the doorway.
Saitama was sitting in the corner, playing with a crow.
"Hey, witch-lady," Saitama asked. "Since you know everything... do you know why my hair fell out?"
The Queen paused. She looked at the strongest being she had ever encountered. A man who broke fate with a slap.
"It fell out," the Queen said gravely, "because the universe realized nothing else could contain your head."
"That sounds fake," Saitama muttered.
"Everything about you is fake," she retorted.
She finished with Genos. "Done. Leave my forest. Take my daughter. I do not wish to be near this... absurdity... any longer."
"Thanks, Mom!" Vanessa beamed, chugging a bottle of wine she'd found. "You're the best! Sort of!"
Departure - The Cliff
They flew away. Or rather, they flew, and Saitama hung onto Asta's ankle this time because he broke the broom.
As the forest faded into the distance, Genos clenched his new fist. Crimson electricity crackled mixed with his usual yellow lightning.
"Witch-Tech integration complete," Genos logged. "Grimoire spell added: Blood-Oil Burner."
"Gross name," Saitama said.
Suddenly, a massive explosion rocked the horizon to the East. Not near the capital. Near the Volcano region.
Black smoke billowed. Purple lightning flashed.
Yami checked his communicator.
"Captain!" Marx's voice panicked. "Emergency! The Hot Spring Training Camp... it's under attack! The eye of the Midnight Sun! And... something else! A giant flaming thing!"
"Flaming thing?" Saitama perked up. "Like a BBQ?"
"Bigger!"
Saitama sighed. "There goes my weekend."
Asta pulled out his swords. "Hot Springs?! No! MEREOLEONA-SAMA IS THERE!"
"That loud fire lady?" Yami paled. "If she's in trouble, we're all screwed. Alright, losers. Detour! We're going to the volcano!"
Saitama looked at his suit. "I'm gonna sweat, aren't I?"