Ultim-Volcano Mountain Trail
Temperature: 150°F (And Rising)
It was hot. Stupid hot.
The kind of hot where your sweat sweats.
Saitama dragged his feet through the volcanic ash. His yellow suit was sticking to places he didn't know he had. His cape wasn't flapping; it was drooping, heavy with humidity.
"I hate this," Saitama complained, wiping his forehead. "Why are hero HQs always in dangerous places? Why not a nice air-conditioned cafe? Or a mall?"
"Endurance!" Asta shouted, sprinting past him with his tongue lolling out. "THE HEAT MELTS THE WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!"
"That's called dehydration, kid," Saitama muttered.
"External temperature rising," Genos reported. The cyborg looked completely fine. He wasn't sweating. In fact, a faint frosty mist was puffing out of his vents. "Witch Queen Upgrade functional. Coolant circulation is utilizing sub-zero blood alchemy. My chassis feels crisp."
"Show off," Yami grunted. He was shirtless (naturally), sweating buckets, and looking miserable. "This was a mistake. We should've let the Lioness handle it."
"Lioness?" Saitama asked. "Is there a zoo up here?"
"Worse," Yami lit a cigarette, which immediately burned down to the filter in the heat. "She makes zoos look like petting farms. Mereoleona Vermillion. The Uncrowned Undefeated Lioness. If you value your life, don't make eye contact. And don't breathe too loud."
The Hot Spring Crater
They crested the ridge.
The "resort" was a disaster zone. The hot springs were boiling over. Steam hissed like angry snakes.
And in the middle of a lake of lava, a battle was raging.
"ORA! ORA! ORA!"
A woman with hair like a wild mane of fire was punching a monster.
The monster was huge—a thirty-foot giant made of Obsidian and Magma. It had runes from the Midnight Sun carved into its chest. It roared, swinging a fist of molten rock.
The woman didn't dodge.
She caught the magma fist. With her bare hand.
Her Mana Skin—Calidus Brachium—glowed blinding white.
"WEAK!" Mereoleona roared. She crushed the magma fist, turning rock to dust. "IS THIS ALL THE ANCIENT CURSES CAN DO?! I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP!"
She spun, kicking the giant's head off. The head exploded. Lava splashed everywhere.
"She's terrifying," Noelle whispered, hiding behind Genos. "She's an animal."
Saitama squinted through the steam.
"She's hoarding the pool," Saitama noted. "That giant rock guy is ruining the water quality."
Suddenly, the Obsidian Giant regenerated. The broken rocks flew back together. Forbidden Magic pulsed. The giant grew larger, turning purple.
"IT WON'T DIE!" Asta screamed. "It's regenerating!"
Mereoleona smirked. A savage, feral grin. "GOOD! MORE PUNCHING BAGS!"
She prepared a massive spell. Blue flames gathered around her fist.
But she missed something.
Behind her, the volcano vent rumbled. A second giant—a sneak attack—erupted from the magma, swinging a club straight for her exposed back.
"Watch out!" Asta lunged, but he was too far.
WHOOSH.
Something yellow blurred past him.
Saitama jumped.
He didn't announce a move. He just wanted to get to the water.
He landed on the second giant's head.
Boing.
Saitama bounced.
The giant's head was driven down into its torso. The torso was driven into the legs. The legs shattered the bedrock. The giant crumpled into a pile of gravel in under a second.
Saitama landed on a rock island next to Mereoleona.
Steam curled off his suit. He looked at the bubbling lava, then at the ferocious woman covered in blue flames.
"Hey," Saitama pointed at the remaining giant. "Are you gonna finish that? The water is getting too hot."
Mereoleona paused. Her flames flickered.
She stared at the bald man. She hadn't sensed him. He had just... appeared.
She looked at the pile of gravel that used to be a threat.
"HOH?" Her eyes widened. A predator finding new prey.
She moved.
Faster than fire.
Her burning claw—Calidus Brachium—shot out. She grabbed Saitama's head.
This was her greeting. The famous Vermillion Skull Grip. It usually crushed men to their knees.
Her fingers clamped onto Saitama's bald dome. She squeezed.
"You're got guts, baldy," Mereoleona grinned, increasing pressure. "Stealing my kill? Want to die?"
She squeezed harder.
Saitama didn't flinch. He didn't scream. He didn't buckle.
He stood there, head slightly squished.
"Ow," Saitama said flatly. "That's a firm grip. Do you open jars?"
Mereoleona's smile faltered.
She was squeezing with enough force to crush a diamond. His skull wasn't even cracking. It felt like she was gripping a cannonball made of absolute unbreaking reality.
"Your head..." Mereoleona whispered, staring into his dead fish eyes. "It's... solid."
"It's the bone structure," Saitama said. He reached up and gently pried her fingers off. "Calcium."
The giant she was fighting took advantage of the distraction. It roared, firing a beam of concentrated magma at them.
"Ignore us!" Mereoleona snapped. She spun to backhand the beam.
But Saitama was faster.
"Hot water isn't bad," Saitama lectured, swatting the magma beam away with the back of his hand. "But this is just soup. Spicy soup."
The beam deflected, hit the canyon wall, and caused a landslide.
Mereoleona watched him slap away S-Class magic like a fly. Her heart did something it hadn't done in years.
It raced.
"HAHAHAHA!" She laughed. It was a roar that shook the volcano. "INTERESTING! YOU'RE INTERESTING!"
She grabbed Saitama by the collar of his suit (ripping it slightly).
"FIGHT ME!" she demanded. "Right now! Here! In the magma!"
"I'm here for a bath," Saitama pulled away. "And my suit is expensive. Well, not expensive, but I don't want to buy another one."
Genos Enters the Chat
"Get away from Sensei!"
Genos dropped from the sky. He landed in the lava.
Literally in the lava. Sinking to his waist.
A normal machine would melt. Genos stood there, the molten rock bubbling around his metallic abs.
"Witch-Blood Coolant active," Genos stated calmly. "Hull integrity 100%. External Temp 1200 degrees. Feels like a lukewarm shower."
He aimed his palms at the Giant.
"Incineration Cannon: Spiral."
FOOM.
A blast of spiraling fire and magic punched a hole through the giant's chest. But the rock healed again.
"It keeps fixing itself!" Asta yelled, landing on a safe rock nearby. "The core! We have to find the core!"
"Too much work," Mereoleona scoffed. "Just burn it until there's nothing left to regenerate!"
"Or," Saitama sighed. "Just unclog the drain."
He looked at the giant. It was standing directly over the main volcanic vent, blocking the flow, causing the pressure build-up.
"Hey, rock-face," Saitama called out.
The Giant looked down. "GGRRAAAAH!"
Saitama jumped.
He didn't punch the giant. He grabbed its ankle.
"Serious Series," Saitama muttered.
He lifted the thirty-foot, hundred-ton obsidian monster over his head.
"Serious Toss."
He chucked the monster straight up.
The Giant flew. It broke the sound barrier instantly. It turned into a black dot against the blue sky. It kept going.
"Twinkle twinkle," Saitama said, watching it vanish into orbit.
Without the giant blocking the vent, the pent-up volcanic pressure released.
The lava lake surged. A massive geyser of magma erupted under Saitama.
"THE ERUPTION!" Noelle screamed. "It's going to blow the mountain!"
Saitama was mid-air, floating above the geyser.
"This is gonna ruin the bath," he complained.
He looked down at the exploding volcano.
"Killer Move: Serious Splash."
He slammed his open palms down onto the erupting lava.
WHAM.
Force. Pure, downward kinetic force.
He literally slapped the eruption back into the earth.
The shockwave flattened the liquid magma. The geyser was stuffed back down the throat of the volcano. The mountain shook, groaned, and then... settled.
The lava level dropped instantly. The temperature cooled as the violent pressure vanished.
Peace returned to the hot springs.
Saitama landed on a rock. His gloves were smoking slightly.
"Okay," Saitama wiped his hands. "Temperature adjusted."
The After-Bath Mixer
Ten minutes later.
The surviving Black Bulls, Mereoleona, and the weird bald duo were sitting in the hot spring. (Separated by a gender-divider made of Genos creating a wall of steam).
Mereoleona chugged a bottle of sake. She was staring at the wall of steam, grinning like a shark.
"That bald guy," she growled happily. "Yami. Where did you find him?"
"Clearance sale," Yami grunted, floating with his towel on his head. "He's weird, right? Punched the sea yesterday."
"He stopped my eruption," Mereoleona laughed, crushing the bottle. "I'm going to take him into the wilderness. We'll fight bears. And lava monsters. I'll make a man out of him."
"I think he's already maxed out," Yami warned. "He might make a man out of you."
Mereoleona blushed. Just a tiny, barely visible shade of red. "Hah! Ridiculous."
On the men's side:
Saitama was submerged to his chin. His face was pink. He looked perfectly content. A towel was folded on his bald head.
"Ah," he breathed. "This is it. This is the life."
Asta was splashing water on his face. "MASTER! The heat is intense! I can feel my pores expanding!"
"Shut up, Asta," Saitama murmured eyes closed.
Genos was sitting at the bottom of the pool (he couldn't float). Bubbles rose up every time he spoke.
Bloop bloop. ("Temperature is optimal. Skin scouring initiated.") Bloop.
Saitama looked at the sky. It was peaceful. No monsters. No sales to miss. Just hot water and silence.
"Hey, Yami," Saitama said lazily.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the trip. This place isn't so bad once you throw the monsters into space."
Yami chuckled. "Don't get used to it. The Royal Knights selection exam is next week. And Julius put your name on the list."
Saitama slid deeper into the water until the bubbles covered his nose.
"I didn't sign up for any test."
"Too bad," Yami smirked. "Winner gets a cash prize. And a title."
Saitama exploded out of the water.
"CASH?!"
The Cliffhanger
Deep in the woods, far from the hot spring light.
A figure watched. He had white hair, and he wore the robes of the Midnight Sun.
Rhya the Disloyal.
He touched a magical recording device in his ear.
"Did you see that, Licht?" Rhya whispered. "He threw the golem... into the mesosphere. With one hand."
"Avoid him," Licht's voice came back, strained. "Focus on the tournament. The reincarnation spell is almost ready. We just need to slip a few of our people into the Royal Knights."
Rhya smirked, shapeshifting. His face melted and changed. He turned into Asta. Then Yuno. Then... a tall, bald man with a goofy face.
"I wonder," Rhya looked at his own copy-hands. "Can I copy his magic?"
He tried to replicate Saitama's energy.
CRACK.
Rhya's arm broke. Just snapped.
"Ow!" Rhya grimaced, shaking his limp arm. "Okay. Note to self: Can't copy 'Nothing'. Whatever he is... it's incompatible with reality."
He faded into the shadows.
"The tournament is going to be fun."