The Royal Capital - Floating Arena
The Big Day
"First Prize is 50 million Yuls?!"
Saitama's voice cracked. His eyes turned into detailed, intense anime eyes.
"That's enough for hotpot," Saitama whispered, doing mental math. "Every day. For a hundred years. I could add premium beef."
"Yes!" Julius Novachrono beamed, hovering over the gathered Magic Knights. "The goal of this tournament is to select the Royal Knights who will attack the Eye of the Midnight Sun! But we added a cash incentive to... ah... motivate certain individuals."
He winked at Saitama.
Saitama cracked his knuckles. He fixed his gloves. "Genos. I'm winning this."
"Master," Genos buzzed, standing at attention in his freshly polished chassis. "My calculations indicate a 100% victory probability. Unless you forfeit due to hunger. I have packed a protein bar."
"Good job."
They stood on a massive floating plateau overlooking the arena—a magically constructed battlefield with varied terrain. There were forests, rivers, ruins. And floating crystals.
King Augustus was watching from his VIP box, flanked by healers (for his nose) and guards.
"That bald brute," the King hissed. "Marx! Did you rig the brackets? Tell me he is paired with the absolute worst?"
Marx, the mushroom-haired assistant, looked nervous. "Yes, Your Majesty. We put him in Team P. 'P' for... Problematic."
"Excellent!" The King giggled. "He will lose immediately! The disgrace will be delicious!"
The Team Reveal
"Team P!" the announcer shouted.
Saitama stepped forward.
"And your teammates..."
From a swirl of rose petals—literal, magically generated rose petals that smelled like expensive perfume—a man appeared. He had long, flowing violet hair, a peacock feather cape, and a face that screamed 'I look at mirrors more than people.'
"Beauty!" the man declared, striking a pose that defied spinal anatomy. "I, Kirsch Vermillion, shall grace this battlefield! But..."
Kirsch looked at Saitama. He recoiled, shielding his eyes with his cape.
"AAHH! MY EYES!" Kirsch shrieked dramatically. "What is this... smooth, hideous surface?! A bald head? In my team?! It offends the aesthetic of the universe!"
"Who's the noisy flower guy?" Saitama asked.
"Vice-Captain of the Coral Peacocks," a nervous voice spoke from behind Saitama.
Saitama turned.
It was a guy with bronzed skin, strange hair, and a very punchable face.
"I'm Sekke!" the man said, doing a weird pose. "Sekke Bronzazza! Bah-ha! I'm here to carry you guys to victory! Bah-ha!"
Saitama stared at them.
The Flower Maniac.
The "Bah-ha" Guy.
"Genos," Saitama called out. "Can we switch teams?"
"Negative, Master," Genos said from the sidelines (he was in Team A with Rill). "Rules are absolute. You must carry the dead weight."
"Great." Saitama sighed. "The loud guy and the weird laugh guy. This is my S-Class nightmare all over again."
First Match: Team P vs. Team C
The Setup:
Saitama's Team (Saitama, Kirsch, Sekke) vs. Team C (Magna Swing, Sol Marron, and a nameless NPC mage).
Map: The Rock Labyrinth.
They teleported onto the field. A giant floating crystal hovered behind them.
"Listen, peasants," Kirsch flipped his hair. "I will handle the offense. My beauty is too vast to be contained. You..." He pointed at Saitama without looking at him. "You hide. Your ugliness is a tactical disadvantage. Put a bag on your head."
"I don't have a bag," Saitama said. "And you smell like a department store."
"Hmph! Cherry Blossom Magic: Million Petal Storm!"
Kirsch unleashed a massive whirlwind of pink petals. It covered the entire map.
"Whoa!" Sekke gasped. "Bah-ha! I can't see anything! Wait, I'll defend the crystal! Bronze Magic: Sekke's Magnum Cannonball!"
Sekke wrapped himself in a transparent bronze sphere and curled up next to the crystal. "Ultimate defense! I'm safe! Bah-ha!"
Saitama stood by the crystal. He touched the glowing blue rock.
"Fragile," he noted. "If this breaks, I lose the money."
"Defend it with your life, peasant!" Kirsch shouted, flying off into the petal storm to harass the enemies.
Suddenly, a roar echoed from the pink fog.
"I FOUND YOU!"
Magna Swing came riding in on his customized broom, a baseball bat made of flame in his hands.
"Yo! Baldy!" Magna grinned, looking manic. "I know you're strong! I saw you flip that tank! But this is a game of skill!"
Magna wound up. He generated three fireballs. But he didn't throw them straight. He curved them.
"Disappearing Curveball!"
The fireballs vanished into Kirsch's petals, masking their heat signature, then hooked sharply from three different angles, aiming not at Saitama—but at the crystal.
"Clever," Saitama said.
Sekke panicked inside his ball. "Ah! Incoming! Defense... failing!"
Sol Marron, the earth mage from the Blue Rose Knights, emerged from the ground.
"GOLEM BREAK!" she shouted, creating a massive mud fist to smash the crystal from below.
It was a pincer attack. Fire from the sides. Earth from below. The crystal was doomed.
In the stands, Julius leaned forward. "Magna has improved! He's using the distraction to flank! How will Saitama respond without destroying his own crystal?"
Saitama yawned.
"Serious Series," he mumbled. "Serious... Squat."
He didn't punch. He didn't kick.
He just dropped into a squat position, really fast.
The sudden downward motion of his body created a vacuum. A localized low-pressure zone directly around the crystal.
WHOOSH.
The air rushed in to fill the vacuum.
Magna's fireballs? sucked off course and slammed into the ground.
Sol's golem fist? The air pressure shoved it sideways, making it miss and punch Sekke instead.
"GAH! BAH-HA!" Sekke went rolling away like a bowling ball.
Saitama stood back up. The crystal was untouched.
"Safe," Saitama said.
Magna landed, eye twitching. "You... you dodged by squatting? And you messed up my aim with WIND?!"
"Squats are important," Saitama lectured. "You guys rely on magic too much. You need core strength."
"shut up!" Magna swung his bat. "Explosive Scatter Shot!"
Hundreds of mini-fireballs rained down.
Saitama sighed. "So noisy."
He walked through the fireballs.
They hit his suit. Poof. Poof. Poof. Little scorch marks appeared, but he ignored them. He walked right up to Magna.
Magna froze. The Killing Intent (which was really just Saitama being annoyed) was palpable.
"Don't... don't hurt me," Magna whispered. "I'm your squadmate!"
"I'm not gonna hurt you," Saitama said. He reached out.
Magna flinched.
Saitama gently took Magna's sunglasses off his face.
"These are crooked," Saitama said. He bent the frame back into shape. Click.
Then he put them back on Magna's face.
"There. Better."
Magna blinked. He was so confused his mana stopped flowing.
"Now," Saitama said. "Sit down."
He pushed Magna's shoulder. Just a tap.
But the "Tap" had the weight of a tectonic plate.
Magna's legs folded. He sat. Hard. He was pinned to the ground by sheer psychological pressure.
"Sol, right?" Saitama looked at the earth mage.
Sol raised her hands. "I... I surrender! You're a monster! A MAN-ster!"
Saitama looked at the floating crystal across the field (Team C's crystal).
"I don't want to run over there," Saitama said. "It's far."
He looked at the ground.
"Earth Magic?" he asked Sol. "You move rocks?"
"Y-Yes?"
"Cool."
Saitama stomped his foot.
Once.
THUMP.
A shockwave traveled through the dirt. A literal ripple of earth, like a carpet being flicked, raced across the arena. It went under Magna, under the maze walls, under the petals.
It reached Team C's crystal.
The ground under the crystal launched upward. The crystal flew into the air, hit a floating rock, and shattered.
WINNER: TEAM P!
Kirsch Vermillion floated down, covered in rose petals. "Beautiful! My distraction was flawless! We won because of my stunning presence!"
Sekke crawled out of his ball. "Yeah! My defense distracted the golem! Bah-ha! Teamwork!"
Saitama scratched his butt. "Did we win? Can I get lunch now?"
In the shadows of the waiting room, a masked knight with red hair—Zora Ideale—was watching. He crunched a stink bug in his teeth.
"He didn't use a spell," Zora whispered. "He didn't even use a technique. He just... existed. That guy isn't a Magic Knight. He's a glitch."
Intermission: The Medical Bay
Magna lay on a bed, staring at the ceiling.
"He fixed my glasses," Magna muttered. "He walked through fire... to fix my glasses."
Yami walked in, holding a basket of fruit (which he was eating himself).
"Yo. You survived."
"Captain," Magna sat up. "He's terrifying. It wasn't malice. It was... indifference. I threw everything at him, and he treated me like a broken appliance."
"That's Baldy for you," Yami tossed an apple at him. "He breaks your ego, then he fixes your glasses. Learn from it."
Match 2: Team A (Genos)
Genos stood in the center of the desert map. Rill (the Painting Captain) was his partner.
"Wow!" Rill cheered, painting a giant monster on his easel. "You're so shiny! Let's make art!"
"Objective: utter annihilation," Genos stated. "Demonstration of power for Master Saitama."
The enemy team (three random robust knights) charged.
Genos opened his grimoire. It glowed a dangerous, rusty orange.
"Cyborg Magic: Omnidirectional Incineration."
He didn't move. Every port on his body opened.
BOOOM.
The entire map turned into glass.
The sand melted. The rocks melted. The enemy team's crystal evaporated before they even realized the match had started.
WINNER: TEAM A!
Julius clapped giddily. "3 seconds! A new record! But the repair bill... oh my."
Saitama watched from the sidelines, eating a banana.
"Genos is trying too hard," Saitama mumbled. "He's gonna overheat."
Beside him, Langris Vaude—Finral's jerky brother and Vice-Captain of Golden Dawn—sneered.
"Brute force," Langris spat. "No elegance. No spatial mastery. Just raw, barbaric destruction. Like you."
Saitama looked at Langris.
"Who are you?"
Langris's vein popped. "I am Langris! The future head of the Vaude house! Superior to that trash Finral in every way!"
Saitama chewed his banana.
"You look like the guy who reminds the teacher about homework," Saitama said.
Langris stopped breathing. His killing intent spiked. Spatial magic crackled around his hand.
"I will erase you," Langris whispered. "In the semifinals. I won't just break your crystal. I'll delete your existence."
"Okay," Saitama tossed the banana peel into a trash can. "Make sure you bring coupons. Repairs aren't cheap."
The bracket updated.
Semi-Finals:
Team P (Saitama) vs. Team G (Langris & Finral's Teams mixed due to plot/tournament brackets).
It was set. Space vs. Punch.
But before that...
Saitama felt a tap on his shoulder.
It was Mereoleona. She had appeared from nowhere.
"You passed," she grinned, showing too many teeth. "Good. Don't lose to that spatial brat. I want to fight you in the finals."
"Do you have food?" Saitama asked.
"If you win," Mereoleona grabbed his head (the Skull Crush again), "I'll feed you the finest lion meat."
"Lion meat?" Saitama thought about it. "Tastes like chicken?"
"Tastes like FIRE!"
She shoved him away and stomped off.
Saitama rubbed his shiny head.
"This kingdom has too many weirdos," he concluded.