Location: Z-City Plaza (Currently a Swamp of Rot)
Boss: Starscourge Kaido
The sky wasn't just raining; it was raining gravity.
Purple lightning crackled around a massive, towering figure. Starscourge Kaido was a nightmare fuel fusion. He had Radahn's massive tusks and cape, fused with Kaido's scales and horns. He held two massive Greatswords that looked suspiciously like solidified magma.
And yes, he was straddling a tiny, struggling horse named Leonard.
"WORORORO!" The beast laughed. The sound waves shattered windows. "I am the strongest creature in the Lands Between! Bring me a challenge, or bring me booze!"
"We're gonna die!" Usopp shrieked, hiding behind a lamp post. "He's an Emperor and a Demigod! I have a disease! The 'I-can't-fight-raid-bosses' disease!"
"Calm down!" Subaru Natsuki yelled, though his eyes were wide with PTSD. "I've played this game! And I've died in this arc before! We have to watch out for the Phase 2 Meteor Dive!"
The "Seven Rejects" stood in a trembling line:
Kazuma (Team Leader/Human Shield Coordinator)
Buggy the Clown (Panic Level: Maximum)
Hercule Satan (Checking for cameras)
Reigen Arataka (Looking for a way to monetize this)
King (Heartbeat booming like a war drum)
Usopp (Crying)
Subaru (Respawn Anchor)
"Okay, Team Trash," Kazuma wiped sweat from his brow. "Listen to the plan. Plan A is run away. Plan B is beg for mercy. Plan C is..."
He looked at the tiny earpiece. "Senku, is the package ready?"
"Ready," Senku's voice crackled. "The 'Anti-Titan Stomach Ulcer Cocktail'. Delivered via clown courier."
Kazuma kicked Buggy forward. "Go! Deliver the package!"
"WHY ME?!" Buggy screamed, his nose glowing red.
"Because you can't be cut!" Kazuma yelled. "Radahn slashes, you split! Now GO!"
Buggy ran, holding a bubbling beaker. "I'LL REMEMBER THIS, FLASHY-BASTARD!"
The Encounter
Starscourge Kaido looked down.
He saw a clown running at him with a beaker.
He saw a man in a gi (Satan) flexing for a news helicopter.
He saw... The King.
Kaido froze.
The sheer noise coming from King's chest.
DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI.
It wasn't fear. To a warrior like Kaido, it sounded like Conqueror's Haki overflowing.
"Hoh," Kaido lowered his swords. "That pressure... You must be the Captain of this Suicide Squad. The World's Strongest Man?"
King said nothing. (Because his jaw was locked).
He stared blankly at Kaido's horse.
Inner Monologue: That horse is so small. How is it alive? Is that horse stronger than me? Probably.
Kaido grinned. "Silent type. You're waiting for me to make the first move. To counter? Arrogant!"
Kaido raised his swords. Gravity magic purpled the air.
"Gravitational Bagua: THUNDER BOREALIS!"
He slammed the swords down. A wave of purple destruction rushed the team.
"MUGGY BALL!" Buggy screamed, tripping on a rock.
His body split apart—legs running one way, torso flying another.
The slash passed harmlessly between his segments.
"He... He dodged my Haki Slash without moving?" Kaido gasped. "This clown... is a Logia user?!"
Buggy's torso flew through the air, flailing. He chucked the beaker.
"TAKE THIS!"
The beaker hit Kaido in the face.
It shattered.
Green liquid—High Concentration Carbonated Holy Water & Mentos—splashed into his open mouth.
FIZZ.
Kaido's stomach expanded instantly. He belched a cloud of holy vapor.
"BUUUUUURP!"
The alcohol in Kaido's system reacted with the holy purification.
"GAH! WATER! IT'S WATER! MY BUZZ IS GONE!"
Phase 2: The Bluff
"Now!" Kazuma yelled. "Satan! Reigen! Confusion Tactics!"
Hercule Satan stepped forward, puffing out his chest.
"YEAH! Did you see that? My invisible punch knocked the wind out of him! It was too fast for the naked eye!"
Reigen Arataka jumped in, throwing... salt?
"SALT SPLASH!" Reigen yelled. "Exorcism Strike!"
He threw table salt into Kaido's eyes.
"MY EYES!" Kaido rubbed his stinging eyes. "This technique... It burns like the Scarlet Rot!"
"Usopp!" Kazuma pointed. "Finish it!"
Usopp pulled back his slingshot.
"Special Attack: Chloroform Star!"
He fired a pellet. It hit Kaido right in the nose.
Normally, chloroform takes minutes. But Senku had modified it with Sleep Potion from Pokemon logic.
Kaido wobbled. The horse wobbled.
"He's teetering!" Subaru yelled. "King! Intimidate him!"
Kazuma pushed King forward.
"Do something cool!"
King stumbled. He tried to balance himself. He ended up striking a pose that looked exactly like a martial arts stance.
His engine roared louder. DOOOOOM.
Kaido looked at King through blurry, watery eyes.
He saw a titan. A monster of pure will.
"He... He hasn't even drawn a weapon," Kaido slurred. "He defeated me... with pure aura. What a monster."
Kaido fell.
THUD.
The ground shook. The boss bar depleted.
[LEGEND FELLED]
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION]
[BOSS DEFEATED BY: TEAM TRASH]
[MVP: KING (INTIMIDATION) & HERCULE SATAN (DISTRACTION)]
The Aftermath
The news helicopters lowered.
A reporter (Nico Robin, working part-time) shoved a microphone in Hercule's face.
"Mr. Satan! Did you just defeat the Interdimensional Emperor?"
Hercule sweat buckets. He looked at the unconscious dragon-god.
"Uh... YEAH! OF COURSE! THE SATAN MIRACLE SPECIAL DYNAMITE KICK!"
"All Hail The Champ!" The crowd cheered.
Kazuma collapsed on the ground.
"We lived," Kazuma wheezed. "We actually lived."
Buggy pulled his legs back together. "I WANT A RAISE!"
The Twist
As the celebration started, Kisuke Urahara walked over to the unconscious Kaido.
He tapped the massive sword with his cane.
"Strange," Urahara noted, his eyes shadowed by his hat.
"This wasn't a summoning. It was a leaking."
"Leaking?" Kazuma asked, sitting up.
"Yes." Urahara pointed to the Erdtree that was fading away. "The boundaries between the Game Servers and the Reality Servers are dissolving. Someone is manually opening the .EXE files of dead universes."
A chilling wind blew through the plaza.
It smelled of... data? No. Pixelation.
A holographic screen appeared above the city.
But it wasn't the Guild System.
It was red. Black text.
[ATTENTION, PLAYERS]
[TUTORIAL COMPLETE]
[COMMENCING: THE SURVIVAL GAME]
The screen changed.
A masked figure appeared.
The Front Man from Squid Game.
But he was wearing Kirito's Beta Tester Coat.
The Front Man (Kayaba Akihiko Mode).
"Greetings," the voice distorted. "Slice of Life is boring. Minimum wage is tedious. I am initializing the Death Game Protocol."
Around the city, barriers rose up. Massive, hexagonal walls of hard light.
"All Exit Gates are closed," The Front Man announced. "If you wish to log out... you must clear the 100 Floors of New Aincrad."
Kazuma looked at the giant floating castle that had been hovering silently above the supermarket for chapters.
Lights flickered on in the castle windows.
"Are you serious?" Kazuma whispered. "We just finished a raid boss."
[SYSTEM QUEST: SURVIVE LEVEL 1]
[GAME START: "Red Light, Green Light" - TITAN EDITION]
The ground rumbled.
In the distance, a colossal Reincarnated Giant Doll rose above the buildings.
But it wasn't a doll.
It was a Colossal Titan painted to look like the Squid Game girl.
"GREEN LIGHT!" The Titan bellowed.
"Run!" Subaru screamed. "If you move on Red Light, it vaporizes you!"
Kazuma looked at his "Team Trash."
Buggy was already crying.
Satan was pretending to stretch (to hide his shaking).
King was frozen still (which was actually perfect for this game).
"Slice of Life is over," Kazuma drew his short sword. "Back to the grind."