Location: The Tavern "The World's End"
Status: Lunch Rush
The establishment was technically the Guild Hall Tavern in Axel, but due to the budget cuts (i.e., The Server Reboot), it had merged with:
Yukihira's Diner (Food Wars)
The Boar Hat (Seven Deadly Sins)
Anteiku (Tokyo Ghoul... for coffee only)
It was a chaotic nightmare of conflicting culinary themes.
"TABLE 4 NEEDS RAMEN!" yelled Sanji, kicking the kitchen door open with a flaming leg. "And tell the Marimo (Zoro) to stop slicing the sushi with his katanas! It tastes like steel and bad hygiene!"
Asta sprinted out of the kitchen, balancing twelve bowls of soup on his head. "YES SIR! MUSCLE DELIVERY SERVICE!"
He tripped on Puck (Re:Zero), spun in mid-air, used Anti-Magic to cancel gravity on the soup, and landed perfectly at Table 4.
"HERE IS YOUR RAMEN! PLEASE ENJOY IT WITH GUSTO!"
The customers at Table 4—L from Death Note and Shikamaru Nara—looked at the loud boy.
"So noisy," Shikamaru muttered, putting his head down. "What a drag."
L stacked sugar cubes into a tower. "The probability of this soup being 80% muscle sweat is high. I will take the risk."
Scene: The Managers' Office
Kazuma Satou sat behind a desk piled high with invoices. He rubbed his temples.
Opposite him sat the co-managers of this newly formed "Multiversal Hospitality Corp."
Manager 1: Kraft Lawrence (Spice and Wolf).
"Profit margins are down," Lawrence noted, checking a ledger. "Your 'Goddess' keeps drinking the inventory."
Manager 2: Senku Ishigami (Dr. Stone).
"We need efficiency," Senku grinned, mixing a beaker of glowing green fluid. "I can brew a caffeine-methamphetamine cola that increases worker productivity by ten billion percent!"
"NO DRUGS!" Kazuma slammed his hand on the desk. "We are already under inspection by the Hero Association! If Saitama eats one of your meth-buns and punches the Health Inspector into orbit, we get shut down!"
"Health Inspector?"
The door creaked open.
A man in a trench coat walked in. He had dead fish eyes. He smelled of rain and cigarettes.
Kishibe (Chainsaw Man).
"I'm from the Sanitation Department," Kishibe deadpanned. "I heard you have a demon working the grill."
"Which one?" Kazuma sighed. "We have like six."
"The flame one. Calcifer? No... the sassy fire ball."
"That's Hestia's fireplace," Kazuma corrected. "It's compliant."
Kishibe jotted something down. "Also, I saw a Titan delivering pizza outside. Is it potty trained?"
"He's an intern," Kazuma wept. "His name is Bertolt. He's very sensitive."
Scene: The Service Floor
Aqua was crying near the beer taps.
"I am a goddess of water! Why am I scrubbing tankards?! It's divine labor violation!"
Raphtalia (Shield Hero) patted her back. "It's okay, Aqua-sama. Naofumi-sama makes me pluck medicinal herbs for 12 hours. At least we have air conditioning."
"Excuse me!" A customer raised his hand.
It was Frieza.
Wait, Frieza?
Yes. Post-reboot, Frieza had lost his army and was currently working as a mid-level manager at a villain consulting firm. He was on his lunch break.
"This water," Frieza swirled his glass. "It is tap water. I ordered Sparkling Mineral Water from the Northern Galaxia."
Aqua glared. "Listen here, Lizard-Man! That water was blessed by my holy tears! It's worth more than your life!"
Frieza's eye twitched. "Lizard... Man?"
He pointed a finger. Death Beam charging.
"NO FIGHTING!"
Saitama, wearing a waiter's uniform that was too tight around the chest, walked over. He casually put his hand over Frieza's finger.
Pfft.
The beam exploded inside Frieza's finger like a clogged hose.
"OW!" Frieza yelped, sucking his thumb. "My digit!"
"You break it, you buy it," Saitama said flatly. "House rules. Also, you owe us for the coaster you disintegrated last week."
Frieza grumbled, tossing a gold coin onto the table. "I hate this dimension. The service is terrible."
Scene: The Delivery Route
Tanjiro was running.
On his back was a gigantic Uber Eats-style box marked [DELIVERY BREATHING].
Running alongside him was Deku (Full Cowling 5%) and Iida (Recipro Burst).
"We're late for the UA Dorms delivery!" Iida chopped the air while running. "According to map data, if we take the alleyway, we save 45 seconds!"
"But I smell a cat!" Tanjiro skidded to a stop. "A cat in distress!"
"Ignore the cat!" Iida shouted. "Pizza justice waits for no one!"
They turned the corner.
Blocking the alley was a gang.
Generic delinquents? No.
It was The Team Rocket Trio fused with The Pilaf Gang.
"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie shouted.
"And make it... uh... edible?" Meowth scratched his head.
"Give us the pizza!" Shu (Pilaf Gang dog) barked, holding a bazooka. "Or we blow up the pepperoni!"
"Villains!" Deku powered up green lightning. "Targeting innocent Italian cuisine?! Detroit Smas—"
"Wait!" Tanjiro stepped forward. "I smell... hunger."
Tanjiro opened the box.
The smell of fresh pepperoni and extra cheese wafted out.
"Are you... hungry?" Tanjiro asked with kind eyes.
Jessie lowered her pokeball. James dropped his rose.
"We haven't eaten since the reboot," James sobbed. "The admin wiped our funds."
"Here." Tanjiro handed them a slice. "We have extra garlic knots."
The villains ate. They cried.
"It's... blastining off delicious!" Meowth wept.
"Quest Cleared," Iida adjusted his glasses. "Pacifism Route successful. Efficiency rating: S."
Scene: The "Break Room"
Behind the tavern, in the alleyway filled with trash cans, the real heavy hitters hung out on break.
Gojo Satoru was leaning against the wall, smoking (actually it was a lollipop stick).
Makima (Chainsaw Man) stood opposite him, petting a stray dog.
Kisuke Urahara (Bleach) sat on a crate, fanning himself.
"So," Gojo smiled, though his blindfold was on. "We're stuck here. Minimal powers. Working minimum wage. It's kinda funny, right?"
"Is it?" Makima looked at the dog. "I prefer control. Being a waitress doesn't suit me."
"You'd make a scary manager," Urahara laughed. "Have you noticed the fluctuations? Every Tuesday at 3 PM, the reality mesh glitches."
"Yeah," Gojo pointed up. "Like right now."
Above the alley, the sky flickered.
For a second, the blue sky turned into code.
[ERROR: SCENARIO 44 LOADER FAILED]
A rift opened.
Something fell out.
Not a person.
A Scroll. A giant, ancient, glowing scroll sealed with chains.
It landed in the dumpster.
Kazuma, walking out to dump the trash, froze.
He looked at the scroll.
He looked at the powerful characters pretending not to see it.
"I didn't see that," Kazuma whispered. He tried to close the door.
"Steal."
Urahara whispered. A benihime-red thread snagged Kazuma's collar and dragged him back.
"Now, now, Kazuma-kun," Urahara smiled beneath his bucket hat. "A protagonist never ignores the plot coupon. What is it?"
Kazuma picked up the scroll.
He broke the seal. (Because why not? It was Tuesday).
[THE PROPHECY OF THE SEVEN REJECTS]
"When the narrative fails, the Seven Trash Characters shall rise to restart the Genre."
Kazuma read the list of "The Seven Rejects."
Satou Kazuma (The Scum).
Subaru Natsuki (The Dying One).
Buggy the Clown (The Failing Upward God).
Hercule Satan (The Champion of Liars).
Reigen Arataka (The Con Artist).
King (The Engine of Fraud).
Usopp (The Sniper of Tales).
"Excuse me?!" Kazuma threw the scroll. "I am on a team with MR. SATAN?! And BUGGY?! We're the 'Trash Team'?!"
"Sounds powerful," Gojo laughed. "A team of pure Luck and Charisma. That might actually be stronger than Goku."
"Why?!"
"Because," Makima smiled, chillingly. "Fate loves a fool. And right now... the world is foolish."
Suddenly, the ground shook.
[ALERT]
[INVASION DETECTED]
[SERVER MERGE: "ELDEN RING" + "DARK SOULS"]
The alleyway dissolved.
The dumpsters turned into bonfires.
The sky turned golden-grey. A massive Erdtree sprouted through the pavement of Z-City.
"YOU DIED" text floated in the sky preemptively.
"Oh come on!" Kazuma kicked a skeleton. "I just clocked out!"
A Boss Health Bar appeared over the city.
[STARSCOURGE RADAHN]
[FUSED WITH: KAIDO (ONE PIECE)]
[TITLE: STARSCOURGE KAIDO, THE STRONGEST BEAST OF THE BADLANDS]
"Roaaaaar!"
A meteor crashed into the town square.
From the crater rose a giant warrior on a tiny horse, holding a spiked club, breathing bolo breath.
"It's Radahn!" Gamer-Subaru panicked. "But he has Haki! WE CAN'T DODGE ROLL HAKI!"
"Managers!" Kazuma screamed into his headset. "Authorization to use the Special Menu!"
Senku's voice crackled. "Approved. Deploying the Cola-Mentos-Nuke."
Kazuma grinned. "Team Trash... ASSEMBLE!"