After Sports,the brake started.Noxan was exited,he could again be in the near of Sylas,he had the privilege agian to breath the same air as him.
He was at first alone, wondering on the grass,but then his classmates came.They all stood in a circle, they talked about stuff like sports,games and every day stuff.Sylas started to playfight with the chubby boy in the circle.Sylas couldn't evne move him an inch,he hasn't even reacted.Well what do you expect,sylas was strong and fast but the chubby boy was extremely stable.
Sylas was annoyed that his goal didn't work out.
Noxan reflected
"What did you expect,to knock him over?"
The next moment Sylas stood in front of Noxan, looking in his face,there faces weren't even 10 Centimeter away from each other.Sylas looked in his eyes,like neverbefore.Noxan was in shook,the wind glieded smoothly between them.Noxan saw every beauty in his face, each summer freckle was visible,each hair of his eyebrows,they all were opened.Noxan became extremely red ,not for the outside but from the inside,he felt how his body stood on the edge right before eruption.
Noxan thought to himself,with deep need
*If I just reached out… pulled him closer… just a little…
AHHHH STOP I CAN'T THINK ABOUT THIS!*
Sylas expression wasn't serious or angry,it was something new.He looked like he wanted him to see every gift on his face, every detail he loved, every wave that hit his heart like never before.
Sylas took a step back without saying anything.Noxan didn't wanna make the moment embarrassing so he turned around and walked away.
Noxans mind knew he would neverforget this picture.
Noxan still wondert why he came so close to him.
*He didn't look upset about my comment.Whatif...*
Noxans didn't wanna make mistakes so he hasn't finished this though, even thought Noxan didn't wanna make mistakes,he made the mistake of loving him.
It wasn't a mistake but he had to believe it,he had to hurt himself for it,he had to hit himself for it,he had to love a girl,or pretend...
*My friend and my parents won't accept this,my religion allows me to fell like this but I'm not allowed to live my dreams..*
Noxan knew in botten of his heart he wasn't wrong but hishands couldn't pearce through him to grab that acceptance.Nobody could without letting himbleed out.It was like trying to to swim without moving water.Noxan knew he would pay the price of his blood, but he couldn't,he didn't wanna make a mess for others to clean up,ever tear he would drop would needed to be cleaned, every drop of blood wouldn't vanish they would destroy the mind of the customer.
Later in class they had music lesson.The teacher played an old song wich had a romantic message,a song that made hearts dance, before they bleed in reality.
Noxan had to think of Sylas the whole song,his eyes started to tear up,he knew that it won't become reality.No matter how hard he adapted himself he won't find a way to leak throug without destroying him.
Noxan looked at Sylas like always,but the teacher blocked his vision,like how clouds cover beuty and shine of the sun.
As she moved he saw how Sylas looked up to the teacher,he didn't have a question he just noticed something ,a new jewelry on her.He wiched he also had that attention.
Sylas looked like he asked for help or saw up to his hero.Sylas looked so soft and innocent at the same time,the angles cried after him till nothing except blood left to cry.
This was the only time Noxan wanted to he a teacher,the teachers which ignored his pain, they saw how he swam in his ownblood.
Noxan wanted to be someone for Sylas who he can look up for or ask help,no matter how desperate it is.Noxans only reason to live was to he useful to him.