Third-and-a-half month pregnant and I had fully accepted my new identity: professional pillow princess.
Regulus wouldn't let me walk five steps without scooping me up. I swear the palace staff had a betting pool on how many kilos I'd gain before delivery.
One afternoon I was half-dead on the sofa, letting him spoon-feed me mango pudding while the twins used my belly as a racetrack.
Butler burst in looking like he'd seen a ghost.
"Your Majesty… Elder Archibald requests an audience. Says he brought… special tonic for the Queen."
I raised an eyebrow.
That Elder Archibald? The 800-year-old fossil who rolled his eyes so hard at court last week I thought they'd fall out? The one who still calls me "the human mistake"?
Regulus's spoon paused mid-air. "Let him in."
Three minutes later.
Archibald shuffled in with his cane, fake smile stretched so tight his face might crack. Two servants behind him carried a fancy jade box.
"My dear Queen," he crooned, "I heard you're expecting again. I personally stewed thousand-year snow lotus soup. Perfect for blood and qi."
The soup smelled sweet. Too sweet.
Regulus reached for the bowl.
I slapped his hand away and smiled like an angel. "How thoughtful."
That's when Aurora popped her head from behind my chair, nose twitching like a little bunny.
"Weird smell…"
Aiden waddled over, stuck one chubby finger straight into the soup, brought it to his nose, and sniffed.
Archibald went paper-white.
Before anyone could blink, Aiden's face crumpled and he started wailing.
"MOMMYYYYY! It's bitter inside! Bad people soup!"
Aurora joined in instantly: "Don't drink! Tummy owie!"
Then, in perfect twin chaos, they both smacked the bowl.
Soup. Everywhere.
White powder floated on the surface like someone had dumped flour in it.
I looked at Archibald. "Care to explain the extra seasoning?"
The old man's knees buckled. Cane clattered to the floor.
Regulus's power rolled out so thick the chandelier swayed.
And then Aiden, still crying giant crocodile tears, announced in his tiny voice:
"It's Soul-Breaker Powder! From Daddy's bad-guy book! Makes babies go bye-bye!"
Aurora nodded furiously. "I smelled it! Daddy made us memorize!"
Me and Regulus just… stared.
These little gremlins were four.
Archibald actually pissed himself. I'm not joking. There was a puddle.
Regulus's voice was terrifyingly calm. "Guards."
The old man tried crawling toward the door. "Misunderstanding—mercy—"
Two guards grabbed his arms and dragged him out like trash.
I turned to the twins. "How the hell do you know what Soul-Breaker Powder smells like?"
Aiden wiped snot on my dress. "Daddy showed us samples and said if anyone ever brings Mommy weird stuff we have to scream."
Aurora puffed her chest. "We good puppies!"
I looked at Regulus.
He coughed, suddenly very interested in the ceiling. "…Precaution."
That night Archibald was stripped naked and paraded through the capital with a sign around his neck: "Tried to poison the Queen and got owned by toddlers."
The group chat exploded again.
[Head Guard]: Twins 1 – Elders 0
[Chef]: I'm making victory cake for Their Tiny Highnesses
[Remaining Elders]: we saw nothing we are blind
I gave the twins extra ice cream for a month.
Regulus waited until they were asleep, then pulled me into his lap on the balcony, hands gently cradling my bump.
"I thought I was the strongest shield you had," he murmured, voice rough.
I leaned back against him. "Turns out our kids are tiny psychopaths with super noses."
He laughed, the sound vibrating through my favorite thing in the world.
Then he kissed my neck, right over the mark, and whispered, "Tonight I'm thanking you the adult way."
I smirked. "Doctor said—"
"Doctor can kiss my royal ass."
We didn't make it to the bedroom.
Let's just say the balcony got a very thorough cleaning the next morning.