Damon and Luna were twenty-nine days old.
The palace was still drunk on "dragon-phoenix twins" fever.
Every corridor had banners.
Every minister had a stupid grin.
Every screen in the empire was looping the birth footage on repeat.
Regulus hadn't slept more than two hours straight in weeks.
He spent every night sitting between the two cribs, one hand on each baby, terrified they'd stop breathing if he looked away.
He had turned into a paranoid, overprotective, ridiculously hot mess.
This morning I finally stole five minutes for a shower.
I walked into the nursery dripping wet hair, towel around me.
Found Regulus standing in nothing but strawberry boxers, holding both babies like they were bombs about to go off.
His silver hair was a bird's nest.
Eyes bloodshot.
Face pure panic.
I put Damon in his left arm, Luna in his right.
"Go change their diapers. I'll be quick."
He looked at me like I'd asked him to defuse a nuke.
"W-what? I've never—"
I was already gone.
Door closed.
Silence.
Then the chaos began.
Aiden and Aurora heard the word "diaper" from three rooms away.
Teleported in like tiny assassins.
Aiden "DADDY CHANGE!!"
Aurora "WE HELP!!"
Before Regulus could blink they had raided the diaper station like it was Black Friday.
Wipes flying.
Powder exploding.
Six diapers in the air.
They dumped the entire arsenal on him.
Then they placed Damon and Luna directly on his bare chest like he was a human changing mat.
Both babies decided that exact second was perfect for a synchronized poop explosion.
Warm.
Fresh.
Everywhere.
Regulus "AAAAAHHHHHHHH—"
The sound that came out of the Lycan King was not human.
Global live stream was on because "adorable family morning routine"
Billions watching their terrifying monarch get absolutely destroyed by twin poop in real time.
Chat crashed the server for the first time ever.
"THE KING IS A DIAPER"
"double poop direct hit"
Aiden and Aurora "helping" by grabbing wipes and smearing it around like finger paint.
"clean clean daddy!!"
Regulus actual tears rolling down his perfect face.
"DADDY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS—"
They flipped the babies.
Wrong way.
Diapers on backwards.
Then they opened the talcum powder.
The entire container.
White cloud explosion.
Regulus became a snowman.
A poop snowman.
With real poop.
Kids clapping "DADDY SNOWMAN PRETTY!!"
He tried to stand.
Slipped on the powder.
Fell on his royal ass.
More squish.
More poop.
He started crying.
Big, ugly, snotty sobs.
The Lycan King.
On the floor.
Covered in baby shit and powder.
Crying harder than the babies ever had.
I walked back in.
Towel still around me.
Found my husband on the ground.
Four kids sitting on him like he's furniture.
Damon and Luna happy as clams.
Daddy completely broken.
I lost it.
Laughed so hard I had to sit down.
Global chat was just crying-laughing emojis and rockets raining like a storm.
He looked at me through the poop and powder mask.
Voice cracking.
"I quit being king"
Kids "NO!! DADDY DIAPER KING!!"
He laughed through the tears.
The most broken sound I've ever heard.
Then hugged all four kids to his filthy chest.
Poop and all.
"I love you monsters"
This man.
This terrifying, all-powerful Lycan King.
Was officially owned by four tiny humans.
And the empire had never been prouder.