It amazes me to see our chat without messages, without emojis or hearts, sometimes I spend hours looking at your number, I write a "I miss you" and deleted it, I write a "Can we talk?". And he also deleted it.
A few days ago I broke the zero contact, and I answered you a message, we talked again for a few hours and I got lost again in hope and in the illusion that we could work, I flew, let me send my heart again and I didn't think. When talking to you I couldn't help but remember your eyes, looking at me, in less than a second all the memories came to me again, I was falling again, I was getting lost again.
You read some words I wrote about my feelings and way of thinking, and again you walked away, you ignored me again and pretended I didn't exist, and that led me again to feel that anguish in my chest, to feel that emotional emptiness and more confusion.
I questioned myself, I thought "if I hadn't let him read that, we would be talking" or "if we talked about something else he would give me more attention", I questioned myself in absolutely everything in less than ten minutes. It's wrong, yes I know, it's just that those hours were painful and beautiful in turn because I remembered everything we lived. Although later the feeling of emptiness you left burned me inside.
I asked myself "Why do you show up and then leave?" Until I understood that you do it because you know it hurts me, you think I'm your puppet, that you can handle me as you want and the reality is that no, today I say enough, enough of this back and forth, enough of confusing me, stop playing with my emotions, stop deceiving me, deceiving me by telling me that you miss me when it's not like that, because when one really loves the other person, he changes, and acts like a person with emotional responsibility, he doesn't act like someone with avoidant attachment. That's why today I prioritize myself, because I know that I'm worth a lot, I deserve it;
Love
Respect
Empathy
Quality time
Security
Trust.
I deserve good things to happen to me because I gave everything, and only I know how much I love you, I love you until I almost lose myself, I don't deserve you to confuse my feelings and then disappear.
I'm not for those games anymore, not anymore. I no longer want to keep thinking that you are going to change and you are going to come back because I know that this way I will not be able to move forward and heal myself. I need to move forward and if tomorrow fate brings us together it will be because we change but if we move further away, it will be because our destiny was to be separated.
I don't accept back and forth, I don't accept half-hearted love when I loved you and gave you everything. I don't accept days of love and weeks of rejection. I don't want to beg for your attention anymore.
Today I decide to put myself above everything, get back on my pedestal, and get you out. Because you don't deserve that place anymore, you had it and you didn't take advantage of it.
I wanted to give you my love and you didn't want it, I wanted to heal you, and you only broke me more in the process. You can tell the rest of the people that I was the bad one, however you know very well when you are alone at night, lying down, looking at the ceiling that is a lie, a lie because your chest burns to miss me, and if it burns you and you feel an emptiness it is because after all, I was not so bad.
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I decide to resume zero contact.
I decide to give myself love and understand myself.
I decide to see inside myself, and analyze why I let them treat me as they did.
I decide to save myself, love myself and take care of myself so as not to repeat the same patterns again.
I decide to give myself the life I deserve, full of energy, health, money and tranquility.
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Advice: don't break the zero contact, although I did it, it's so that it doesn't happen to you.
Before sending that message, take two minutes and think "What do I expect from all this?" "What good am I going to receive?" A narcissistic person seeks to cause us that feeling of confusion and despair because he makes us believe that he returns but leaves, and we come back again to relive emotions that we are gradually healing.
Make a promise to yourself that you will not talk to that person anymore, that you will not answer him anymore. And if you fall again, you're failing and you won't finish healing.
You are worth a lot and you deserve more than a half-hearted love.