Today I thought of you more than usual, I felt your perfume in the wind when passing through our favorite place, and I heard the sound of your laughter in my favorite song, your shadow circling in every corner of my head, I close my eyes and feel your hand on my face, I wake up and fall into the reality that you are not here. I have the tattooed image of us lying in our bed listening to a song, and at that moment I felt that we were one, I felt that the world stopped right in those 3:48 minutes, we had a little more time for us and the rest disappeared, the problems were gone, there were only our souls hugging each other in the darkness but they shone more than the moon, the stars looked at us from the sky and recorded that moment so that when looking at the sky I can remember it again and again.
Today I understood when I remember you that you are not going to come back, it reassures me because I understood that your absence made me understand that by understanding you I lost myself, I lost my essence, my brightness and today is what I need the most, I understood that I do not need you, when I thought I do, but again it was idealization and the fear of abandonment that did not let me see that my being had been lost in your arms, that with a few simple words you confused my reasoning and I thought that if I was not with you I could not live, however today I see that I have a lot because Live, why fight, and there is a world outside that waits to see my potential.
Today I can recognize that I miss you, yes, of course, you were the longest but shortest love I had in turn, a love that passed and with it I left teaching, and chaos at the same time, however I miss myself more, that girl who smiled, whose eyes shone, who stayed admiring the sunsets, I gave you a version of me that no one ever knew and I do not regret it because that version is and will always be yours, but today I want to build a new version. A version that loves itself, that works for itself and above all a version that will not allow her soul and self-confidence to be destroyed. I'm going to conquer myself again, I'm going to talk to myself again to be able to answer the following questions:
Who have I become?, Who am I really?, What the hell torments me at night?, Do I forgive myself for letting them hurt me?, Am I ready to accept that I'm wrong and I'm not always right?, Am I willing to know myself and accept myself?
I always ask myself these questions but the answer is always different, however they will always have an answer, and with the passage of time and with mental and emotional maturity they will be firmer and more secure answers, this does not mean that they stop talking to me. To be able to move forward after leaving a relationship (loving, family, friendship, etc.) narcissistic and toxic, the best thing is to start forming zero contact with that person, give us time not to meet someone new to "take out another nail", but give us time for ourselves, time to be able to understand and heal, heal those psychological wounds, understand everything we go through, be aware and admit internally or out loud what happened to us in order to remove the blindfold, and see everything we tolerate "for love" or for that person to stay a few more days With us.
Time is true that heals everything, it heals wounds as long as I want to heal them, today I am willing to ask myself uncomfortable questions so that I can understand what I want for my life, and to be able to avoid going through the same event because at the end of the day we attract what we are, if we are broken we attract broken people who finish breaking us and delay the healing process, if we think negatively, we attract negative people, if we do not seek to move forward, we attract people who do not want to move forward or do not know how to do it.
The best thing I can do for myself today is to prioritize and love myself.