It's not cold tonight, it's one of those nights that I like because everything is calm, but it is outside of me, when in reality inside me there is a huge chaos, it rains all day and the sun rises at times, today was one of those days where the sun came out, my face shone along with my smile, the sun lasted a few minutes until it rained again, a flood broke out again for listening to the songs that I dedicate to you, and because my thoughts do not let me sleep, if I close my eyes I have the illusion That you are here, that you hug me but I know that you are far away, very far away and I have to deal with my storm alone.
I want to talk to you, I want to tell you how much I need you, but I see that you are better and even happier and I hold back the impulse, that's why I prefer to just protect myself in words and cigarettes, I express everything in words until it stops hurting a little and I can sleep.
Along with the chaos the thought that gives me a lot of times is to say "why do you act in a confused way?", you tell me one thing but then you do another, I get lost for hours trying to find an answer but I can't find it.
I want to tell you to come back, I want to see you and that you hug me, but at the same time I am invaded by the fear of knowing that those arms no longer belong to me, that your eyes no longer shine when you see me, and that your head no longer thinks of me.
I'm thinking about you again and crying, when I thought it wasn't going to hurt anymore, or at least I wanted to convince myself that your departure didn't have to hurt me, but I failed, it hurts me that you pretend to love me but act like a overcome, as if I had been nothing.
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I tell myself that you're not going to fly, I remember that already
You're not here, you didn't choose me to see if so
Doles a little less tomorrow…