Location: The Corrupted Gourmet Forest
"KA-BOOM!"
Sasha Braus (Attack on Titan) flew backward, hair smoking, face covered in soot. She hit a tree that looked like a candy cane but felt like PVC pipe.
"It... It doesn't taste like potato," Sasha wept, clutching her stomach. "It tastes like C-4 and lies!"
"Get back, Potato Girl!" Kazuma screamed from behind a rock. "Those are Walking Doughboys filled with Nitro-Glycerin!"
The Doughboys—pudgy white blobs with Caesar Clown's sinister grin—were marching toward the party. Every step they took made a squishy fweep noise.
"Eat lead... literally!" Eggman-Caesar cackled from his floating egg-mobile. "My Gas-Gas Fruit mixed with Eggman Tech has turned these sugars into volatile explosives! One bite, and BOOM goes your digestive tract!"
"You fiend!" Toriko roared. His muscles bulged, tearing his orange vest. "Food is meant to nourish life! Not take it! Leg Knife!"
Toriko kicked. A wave of blue cutting energy swept through the dough-army.
They were sliced in half.
Hissssss.
"Uh oh," Goku blinked.
The sliced halves bubbled. They glowed bright red.
Chain Reaction Protocol Initiated.
"Run?" Choji Akimichi (in Partial Expansion Jutsu mode) asked, holding a bag of chips protectively.
"FLY!" Goku yelled, grabbing Kazuma and Sasha.
The forest detonated. It wasn't just a fireball; it was a sugary napalm strike. Molten caramel shrapnel flew everywhere.
The Kitchen Reinforcements
Smoke filled the air. But as it cleared, a delicious smell cut through the chemical stench.
Garlic? Butter?
And... cigarettes?
A figure stood in the middle of the flames. One leg was raised, burning brighter than the explosion.
"Diable Jambe: Collier Strike!"
Sanji Vinsmoke spun like a fiery dreidel. His kick hit a reforming Doughboy so hard the heat instantly caramelized the explosive gas, turning it harmlessly into a crispy crust.
"You waste food..." Sanji lowered his leg, adjusting his suit. His eye (the visible one) burned with Hell's fury. "...And you made the ladies cry. That is a double death sentence."
"Wait!" A redhead tied a white headband around his forehead. "Don't burn them all, Spiral-Brow! We need ingredients for the soup!"
Soma Yukihira (Food Wars) stepped out, knife gleaming.
"It wasn't much," Soma smirked, flipping his blade, "but Oagari Yo! (Dig in!)"
He had a pot set up on a portable stove in the middle of a battlefield.
"Who are you kids?!" Eggman-Caesar yelled. "I am a scientist!"
"And we're chefs," Sanji lit a new cigarette. "This ingredient is rotten. It needs prep work."
"Toriko-san!" Soma yelled. "Hold them down! I'm going to transmute the explosive compound using a Molecular Gastronomy reduction sauce made of squid tentacles and peanut butter!"
"That sounds disgusting!" Kazuma retched. "Is this a weapon or a meal?!"
"It's a Shokugeki!" Soma laughed. "Toriko, throw the dough!"
"Flying Fork!" Toriko stabbed a dozen Doughboys and tossed them toward the chefs.
"Mutton Shot!" Sanji kicked them into the pot.
Soma stirred furiously. Golden light—the anime 'delicious' effect—erupted from the cookware. The clothes of everyone within a five-mile radius spontaneously threatened to burst open from the sheer sensory overload.
"Not again!" Darkness (who wasn't even there, but sensed the shame from miles away) shuddered in the Guild Hall.
Soma splashed the sauce onto the robot army.
The sauce neutralized the Caesar gas. The plastic hardened, turned brown, and softened.
The explosives turned into... perfectly baked brioche buns.
"Eat up!" Soma served the battlefield.
Goku caught a bun. He sniffed it. He ate it.
"WOW! It's super fluffy!"
"MY ARMY IS BEING EATEN!" Eggman-Caesar shrieked. "This is a war crime! Stop chewing my minions!"
The Boss Battle: Chemical Waste
"Enough culinary nonsense!" Eggman pressed a big red button.
The ground rumbled.
The Candy Mountain split open. A massive robot emerged. It looked like the Death Egg Robot, but fused with a Pressure Cooker.
The Gastronomic Gigantus.
"I will pressure cook you all at 5,000 PSI!" Eggman aimed a cannon full of purple sludge. "Rot Beam!"
The beam shot toward the chefs.
"Oh no you don't!" Goku vanished. Instant Transmission.
He reappeared right in front of the robot's glass cockpit.
"Hey!" Goku knocked on the glass.
Eggman yelped. "How did you get up here?!"
"You made the food taste bad," Goku said. His eyes weren't goofy anymore. They were turquoise. Super Saiyan Blue. "Kamehame..."
"Shields up! Shinokuni Gas Shield!" Eggman panicked. A purple gas barrier formed.
"...Ha!"
The beam hit the shield. It pushed against the gas.
The stalemate lasted three seconds.
Then Kazuma—hiding under a mushroom near the robot's foot—saw a glowing exhaust port.
Narrator Voice: It was a generic weakness. Kazuma loves generic weaknesses.
"Steal!" Kazuma shouted, aiming at the port.
He didn't steal a weapon. He stole the cooling fan.
The robot's internal temperature gauge spiked from 'Hot' to 'Supernova'.
[SYSTEM ALERT: CRITICAL OVERHEAT]
[COOKING LEVEL: CHARRED]
Eggman sweated. "It's getting... warm?"
Goku pushed harder.
"KA-ME-HA-ME-HA... TIMES TEN!"
The beam pierced the shield. It swallowed the robot.
The machine didn't explode. It was deep-fried by energy.
Eggman was launched into the sky.
"I HATE HEDGEHOGS AND MONKEYS EQUALLYYYYYYYY!"
Ding. (Twinkle in the sky).
The Aftermath: The Grand Feast
The corrupt forest purified.
Real chocolate started flowing in the rivers again.
The party gathered around Soma's pot.
"I can't believe we ate the enemy," Kazuma groaned, rubbing his belly. "It's ecologically efficient, but morally gray."
"It's meat," Sasha muttered, crying happy tears while gnawing on a scrap of robot metal that somehow tasted like bacon.
"Hey, Kazuma!"
Goku dropped from the sky, powered down to base form. "You got the fan thingy! Nice assist!"
Goku slapped Kazuma on the back.
Kazuma flew ten feet face-first into a pile of mashed potatoes.
"My spine," Kazuma muffled. "Ow."
From the shadows of the woods, a man walked out.
Yellow suit. Bald.
Carrying a plastic bag.
Saitama.
"Hey," Saitama looked at the devastated landscape, the unconscious villain minions, and the feast. "Did I miss the sale?"
"The sale was a lie, Sensei," Genos appeared, taking notes on Sanji's cooking technique. "However, the free samples are abundant."
Saitama picked up a brioche bun.
"Oh. Nice."
He ate it in one bite.
[QUEST COMPLETE]
[FOOD SUPPLY: RESTORED]
[GUILD RATING UP: F-Rank -> D-Rank]
"Only D-Rank?!" Kazuma yelled at the sky system. "I almost died twice!"
Interlude: The Dark Tower
Location: The Capital of the Dead (Formerly Bleach's Hueco Mundo + Overlord's Nazarick)
Far away from the comedy and cooking, the atmosphere was suffocatingly cold.
Griffith sat on a throne of quartz.
Beside him stood Bondrewd the Novel (Made in Abyss).
"The 'Heroes' are stabilizing the surface," Bondrewd hummed, his helmet glowing purple. "They are creating order. How wonderful. Order creates such pristine test subjects."
Griffith swirled a glass of red wine.
"Let them play hero. It keeps the population calm."
Griffith looked at a massive map on the wall.
Red dots were appearing all over the merged continents.
Dungeons.
"Are the seeds planted?" Griffith asked.
"Oya oya," Bondrewd chuckled. "Indeed. The curse of the Abyss has been mixed with Cursed Energy and spreading through the dungeon network. The deeper they go... the less human they return."
"Good." Griffith stood up. His cape flowed like wings. "We don't need to conquer the world, Bondrewd. We just need to offer them a dream so beautiful they will never want to wake up."
The doors opened.
A third member of their inner circle walked in.
Red clouds on a black cloak. Orange spiral mask.
Obito Uchiha. (Wait, Tobi? Or... no. The eyes were different.)
"We found it," the masked man said. "The coordinates for the Dimensional Pivot Point. The one place in this fused world where reality can be rewritten permanently."
"Where is it?" Griffith asked.
The masked man pointed to the center of the map.
Location: The Tournament of Power Arena.
(Rebuilt as: The Tenkaichi Budokai x Hunter Exam Colosseum)
"A tournament," Griffith smiled—a smile that would haunt empires. "How classic. We shall host a game. And the winner... takes existence."