Location: Grand Neo-Tokyo
Time: The Day of the Announcement
The sky shattered. Again.
But this time, it wasn't a dimensional rift or an invasion of angry ink-monsters.
It was confetti.
Millions of white feathers drifted down from the stratosphere. They glowed with an iridescent sheen, smelling faintly of expensive perfume and authoritarianism.
Kazuma Satou, sitting on a bench eating a churro, looked up.
"Nope," Kazuma said immediately. "I don't like it. Feathers mean angels. Angels mean holy missions. Holy missions mean pain."
He stood up to leave.
A feather landed on his nose.
Ping.
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: MASS INVITE]
[SENDER: The World Governing Council (Provisional)]
[SUBJECT: The 1st Annual Multiversal Championship]
"A tournament," Kazuma groaned. "It's always a tournament. Can't we just solve problems with diplomacy or bribery?"
Across the city, gigantic holographic screens—projected by Iron Man drones—flickered to life. The face of Griffith appeared. He was so beautiful it annoyed people. The lens flared just hitting his cheekbones.
"Citizens of Earth Prime," Griffith spoke. His voice was silky, amplified to echo across continents. "Chaos has joined us. Now, we shall forge Order through combat."
He spread his arms.
"I present: The Clash of Narratives."
"A tournament held at the Dimensional Pivot Point. The victor shall receive the Primordial Quill—an artifact capable of granting one Reality-Altering Wish without restrictions."
Pause for dramatic effect.
"Also," Griffith smiled. "The prize pool is 500 Billion Zeni. And a lifetime supply of Premium High-Grade Udon."
Location: The Saitama Residence (Apartment 202)
Saitama was watching the news on a CRT TV that he had found in a dumpster. He was bored. He was picking his ear.
"Fight for glory..." Saitama mimicked the TV. "Blah blah blah."
"500 Billion Zeni," the TV said.
Saitama stopped picking.
"Lifetime Udon."
Saitama stood up. He accidentally stepped through his coffee table.
"Genos."
"Yes, Sensei?" Genos stuck his head out of the bathroom (he was polishing his chassis).
"We're joining."
"Understood! I will analyze the competition and develop a strategy to eradicate them within 0.5 seconds!"
"No eradication," Saitama put on his red gloves. "Just Udon."
Location: The Guild Hall Lobby
Chaos. Pure, unfiltered shonen chaos.
"I'M SIGNING UP FIRST!" Asta screamed, crawling over the heads of the crowd.
"NO! I'M GONNA BE THE PIRATE KING!" Luffy stretched his arm to grab the registration pen.
"OUT OF MY WAY, TRASH!" Bakugo blasted them both with an explosion.
At the registration desk, a terrified receptionist (Kobeni, who had somehow gotten a new job and was already regretting it) held the clipboard.
"Please... form an orderly line..." Kobeni wept.
"Order?" A cold voice cut through the noise.
The temperature dropped. Ice crept along the floor.
Esdeath (Akame Ga Kill) walked in. She was wearing a new outfit—her General uniform mixed with a fancy dress. She slammed her rapier onto the desk.
"I am entering," Esdeath declared. "And I am looking for a partner. Someone... dominant."
She scanned the room.
Her eyes locked on a man in the corner. A man radiating an intense, menacing aura. A man whose heart was pounding so loud it sounded like a drum of war.
King. (S-Class Rank 7).
King was sweating bullets.
Internal Monologue: Why is she looking at me? Don't look at me! I just came here to buy the limited edition 'Doki Doki Sisters' game from the shop next door! My heart is going to explode!
To everyone else, the King Engine—DOKI DOKI DOKI—sounded like the revving of a monstrous engine of destruction.
"Hoh," Esdeath licked her lips. "That sound... pure bloodlust. You must be King. The Strongest Man."
"I..." King stuttered. He tried to say 'Please don't hurt me,' but his voice cracked and deepened. "...Go home."
The room went silent.
He told the Ice Queen to go home?
Esdeath blushed.
"So cold... rejecting me before the battle even starts? Marvelous. I'll see you in the finals."
She turned and left.
King fell to his knees internally. I'm going to die. I'm actually going to die this time.
"Wow!" Natsu patted King on the back. "You scared her off! You're awesome, ossan!"
"Don't touch me," King whispered (fearing his trembling would be felt). "I'm focusing... on not... destroying the building."
Scene: The Reluctant Warrior
Outside the hall, Kazuma was hiding in a bush.
Strategy: Lurk here until the registration period ends at 5:00 PM.
"It's the perfect plan," Kazuma whispered. "Let the muscle-heads kill each other. I'll loot the bodies later."
"Found you!"
Kazuma froze.
He looked up.
Aqua was standing over the bush. She held a piece of paper.
"Kazuma! I signed us up!"
"You what?" Kazuma crawled out of the bush. "Why?! Why do you hate my survival?!"
"Because Griffith said the Quill can fix anything!" Aqua cried, tears streaming. "It can restore my follower count! And get me back to the Heavens! So I registered 'Team Konosuba'!"
"Unregister it! Cancel it! Use your goddess powers to hit 'Undo'!"
"I can't! It's magical binding paper!" Aqua showed him the scroll. "And look, I picked great teammates!"
Kazuma read the roster.
TEAM: KONOSUBA + FRIENDS
1. Satou Kazuma (Class: Thief/Adventurer)
2. Aqua (Class: Useless Goddess)
3. Darkness (Class: Meat Shield)
4. Megumin (Class: Nuke)
5. Subaru Natsuki (Class: Bait)
6. Reigen Arataka (Class: Spirit Mobster)
Kazuma stared at the list.
"Subaru has no powers except dying. And Reigen is a con artist."
"But he's charismatic!" Aqua argued.
"We have a Tank who can't hit, a Mage with one shot, a Healer who attracts undead, a guy who sells massages, a guy with trauma, and ME."
Kazuma ripped the paper. It regenerated.
"I'm doomed," Kazuma looked at the sky. "Please, just let me fight Yamcha in the first round."
Scene: The Spark
On a rocky plateau outside the city, two figures stood facing each other.
The wind blew through the canyons.
Goku stretched his arm. He wasn't powering up yet, but the air around him was vibrating.
Saitama stood opposite him, adjusting his belt.
"So," Saitama said. "You're the monkey guy from the forest?"
"It's Saiyan!" Goku grinned, stepping into his stance. "And I've been watching you. You beat Frieza with one hit. You're strong. Really strong."
"I guess," Saitama shrugged.
"Let's spar!" Goku vanished.
He didn't use teleportation. Just raw speed.
He appeared behind Saitama. A test kick to the head.
Saitama ducked.
Not a frantic dodge. He just made himself shorter by slouching.
The kick severed the top of a mountain behind them.
"Oh," Saitama looked at the mountain sliding off its base. "That's dangerous."
"You reacted!" Goku bounced back, flipping in the air. "Most people can't see that! Okay, let's turn it up!"
HAAAAAA!
Golden light erupted. Super Saiyan.
Saitama shielded his eyes. "Bright. Do you have a dimmer switch?"
Goku launched a volley of Ki blasts.
Saitama batted them away. Left, right, left. Like swatting mosquitoes. The blasts exploded into fireworks in the distance.
"Is that all?" Saitama asked, bored.
"Not even close!" Goku shouted. "Super Saiyan 3!"
Hair grew long. Electricity crackled.
Goku punched.
Saitama caught the fist.
The ground beneath them disintegrated for a mile. A crater formed instantly.
"Your hair grew," Saitama noted, staring at the golden mane with a hint of jealousy. "How do you do that? Is it a shampoo?"
"It's power!" Goku pushed against Saitama's hand. He was straining. Veins popping.
Saitama wasn't moving. He wasn't even planted firmly; he was just... existing harder than the push.
"Amazing..." Goku grinned wildly. "You aren't even using Ki, are you? It's all physical!"
"Serious Series..." Saitama cocked his free hand.
"STOP!"
A laser blast hit the ground between them.
A small, robotic drone descended. It had the Capsule Corp logo and... Monokuma's face?
[WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED COMBAT]
[The Tournament Rules prohibit pre-match exhaustion.]
[Save it for the Arena, or forfeit the Prize Money.]
"Prize money?" Saitama froze. He dropped Goku's fist. "Right. The Udon. Can't get disqualified."
Saitama dusted off his gloves.
"Later, Spiky guy. Let's do this in the ring."
Goku powered down, panting slightly. He looked at his hand—it was trembling.
"He stopped my push... without trying," Goku whispered to himself. A massive smile split his face. "This is gonna be the best tournament EVER!"
The Draw
That evening, the Great Hologram appeared again.
Griffith held a box.
"The brackets are randomized," Griffith lied. (Everyone knew he rigged it).
"The First Round begins tomorrow. 64 Teams. 32 Matches."
The screen shuffled names.
Kazuma prayed. Please give us team Hamtaro. Please give us the cast of Slice of Life anime.
The screen stopped.
MATCH 1:
Team Konosuba vs... The Gotei 13 Elite (Captains).
"WHAT?!" Kazuma screamed so loud a blood vessel popped in his eye. "WE'RE FIGHTING BLEACH CAPTAINS?!"
MATCH 2:
Team 7 (Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura) vs... The Straw Hat Pirates (Monster Trio).
"Ooooh!" Luffy laughed. "Ninjas vs Pirates! Just like the forums said!"
MATCH 3:
Team One Punch (Saitama/Genos/King) vs... The Z-Fighters (Goku/Vegeta/Piccolo).
Silence settled over the world.
Internet forums across Earth Prime crashed instantly.
Betting sites imploded.
Saitama looked at Genos.
"Looks like we're up early."
Vegeta smashed his training room wall.
"FINALLY! I will expose that fraud of a baldy!"